Down....Under..

Down.. sad.. not sad.. just down..

Nope I can't share this with anyone. It has been too much lately.

Very sad, knowing the fact that, some... some people... only need you when they think they need you and they'll ditch you when they think.. they found something someone better..

Shared.. but nonetheless.. who cares?

Who are with me when I am fuckin' ly down like this... none... SAD huh? That's how life treating me lately.. I thought.. I have been blessed with GOOD COMPANIONS.. but I was fuckin' wrong!!

Been doing my best to cheer people up, to make others feel better... always~! and I just realised that...Somebody made me to realise that.. and what did I get? Nothing better.... Nothing GOOD...

Beau's off for work again. He's been working hard, to make things better. I jsut don't have the gut to tell these (whatever I am having) to him. I know ... he himself has been in chaotic working life at the moment.

I am gonna have big trouble/problem soon. And hopefully I am gonna handle it on my own. Enough with sharing it with person/people whom I thought I could trust at the first place. Trusting .... is hard for me to do at the moment. Cos I was made a clown before... kinda clown for 'em!

It seems.. everyone are liars at the moment. Hidden agendas! These kinds are that I hate the most since my childhood!!

Being left behind and being the last to know, made I feel that I ain't important to anyone. It hurts a lot. When the fact that these people who left you behind, are the most important people in your life. And these people will only make you the most important person in their life once they are in total fuckin' deeeeeep trouble!

No one can be the BEST listener now... not even close to being GOOD.

Yes! That's how SAD my life now.. ALONE.. EMPTY and DOWN.... SAD!!

Still juggling between work, family and social life.. I am trying my best now. Might leaving all the troubles behind and gonna start a new life. How I wish I can migrate to somewhere right NOW! But that would be veryyy impossible.. knowing I have few so-called BIG responsibilites around. Yeah so-called! 'Cos everyone around me are being the effn' pretenders now.

Pardon me with my cursin' words, cos I just need to let these all out. One of these days... *sigh*

.. lies , hidden agendas , betrayals.. and more.. more than those... It's hurt..!

May Allah repay all your so-called kindness~!

Merry Ramadhan... Forgiveness I seek... from all of you.. especially those who were HURT by whatever the stupid stuffs I have done before..

and so ... that's just it...