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Tanda Taubat diterima

2009-11-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

SEORANG ahli hikmah berkata:

Sifat orang yang mengenali Allah ada enam: jika ia ingat kepada Allah ia berbangga; jika ingat kepada dirinya, ia merendah diri; jika ia melihat ayat Allah (al-Quran) ia mengambil iktibar; jika ingin bermaksiat, ia menahan diri; jika ingat kemaafan Allah ia gembira dan jika ingat dosanya, ia terus memohon keampunan Allah.
Seorang ahli hikmah lain ketika ditanya: “Apakah tanda taubat diterima Allah? Jawabnya, ada empat tanda iaitu:

1. Putus hubungan dengan kawan yang tidak baik (jahat) dan bersahabat dengan orang salih;
2. Menghentikan maksiat sebaliknya rajin melakukan perintah Allah;
3. Hilang rasa kesenangan dunia di hatinya, lalu selalu ingat kesusahan di akhirat;
4. Percaya jaminan Allah dalam soal rezeki, lalu sibuk mengerjakan perintah Allah.

Abul-Laits Assamarqandi berkata, dosa ada dua jenis iaitu antara kamu terhadap Allah dan dosa kamu sesama manusia. Dosa antara kamu dengan Allah terlepas dengan tiga syarat taubat iaitu menyesal dalam hati; niat tidak mengulangi kesalahan dan membaca istighfar dengan lidah.

Sesiapa yang melakukan tiga syarat itu, Allah ampun dosanya sebelum ia bangun dari tempat duduknya, kecuali jika ia meninggalkan fardu diwajibkan Allah.

Selepas ia menunaikan fardu diperintah lalu menyesal dan beristighfar, Allah mengampunkan. Namun jika dosa kamu sesama manusia, selagi mereka tidak memaafkan atau menghalalkannya, tidak berguna taubat bagimu.

Sumber : Abul-Laits Assamarqandi dalam buku, Tanbihul Ghafilin

Truth Hurt

2009-10-18T23:36:00.004+08:00

A Mom asked Child A "Don't you wanna be home this weekend, you usually don't have classes on "certain" days isn't it?"

Child A answered "No mom, I got lots of assignments to do, and I have to hand it out by early next week"

Then Mom said to child B "Pity your brother/sister , he/she has lots of assignments to do, he/she can't be home"

REALITY:

Child A : out having fun somewhere, like, going out with boyfriend/girlfriend, hang outs, watching movie, dating or having dinner with other friends who doesn't even think or care about the "assignments" or "exams" and knowing the mom would easily be fooled. GOOD friends HUH?

Been there done that... I failed my exam.. Ashamed? Yes and Ive learned my lesson.. It taught me Very very very Well~! Alhamdulillah. And Since then, I never left my mom with LIES anymore.. lying means ure DERHAKA...

The parents may can be easily fooled, but not Allah. Oh yeah, some people may say, nevermind.. we can always do taubat nasuha... but repetition of taubat nasuha? :) I can't say much on that.. I had my moment, and it made me weeped countless times... So enough of it..

So, let's pray for these kind of children (there are still few out there) ... Pass their exams with flying colours.. AMIN

So kids.. (ermph not all are "kids" though) It's exam month .. So do the best .. it's not "resting" or "leisuring" time

Rasulullah bersabda yang bermaksud : Tiga manusia tidak akan masuk syurga, iaitu orang yang menderhakai kedua-dia ibu barapanya, lelaki yang tidak menjaga maruah keluarganya (dayus) dan perempuan yang menyerupai lelaki. (Riwayat Nasa'i, Bazzar dan Al-Hakim)

Pengurusan Hati Taken/Copied from http://www.rediesh.com

2009-10-09T16:20:00.000+08:00

Pembinaan kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial perlu bermula dengan pengurusan hati. Hati adalah unsur penting dalam diri manusia. Ia berdiri sama tinggi dan duduk sama rendah dengan akal.

Individu yang berakal tetapi tidak memiliki hati yang terurus dengan baik selalunya menghadapi masalah. Terbelenggu dengan kekecewaan dalam perhubungan, berasa hambar dengan kehidupan dan mudah putus asa dengan cabaran.

Hati ibarat ketua dalam diri manusia. Anggota tubuh adalah pekerjanya. Apabila ketua kuat, pekerjanya juga kuat. Begitu juga apabila ketua positif dan berwawasan, pekerja juga positif dan bergerak merealisasikan wawasan ciptaan ketua.

Hati juga ibarat cermin. Hati yang diurus dengan kebaikan memantulkan kebaikan. Setiap yang melihat pasti merasakan kebaikan dan kesucian hati itu. Kebaikan itu mengalir masuk di celah-celah bongkah kekerasan hati setiap orang di sekelilingnya.

Seorang kiyai menyebut, konsep dan praktikal bagi pengurusan hati yang baik tidak datang daripada sumber luaran, tetapi daripada dalam diri sendiri. Individu yang mampu menguruskan hatinya dengan baik, hatinya menjelma menjadi pusat segala kebaikan di muka bumi ini.

Hatinya memancarkan cahaya ketenangan dan merenjiskan haruman ketinggian peribadi kepada sesiapa sahaja yang ditemui. Setiap tingkah lakunya teratur dan berhati-hati hasil daripada keyakinan teguh di hati menjadikan dia senantiasa diawasi.

Orang yang memiliki kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial mampu menguruskan hatinya dengan baik. Hati memandu anggotanya bagi menjalinkan perhubungan dengan cemerlang. Dua kunci pengurusan hati adalah:

Membiasakan Diri Membersihkan Hati
Setiap manusia dilahirkan dalam keadaan fitrah dengan hati yang suci murni. Ibu bapa dan persekitaran yang berperanan membentuk hati dengan acuan yang diinginkan. Namun, dalam proses pembentukan itu, hati perlu dijaga dengan bersungguh-sungguh kerana secara semulajadinya hati mudah dikotori. Maka, usaha dan ikhtiar adalah kunci kesucian hati. Sucikan hati kita dengan agama dan perkukuhkan akal dengan ilmu.

Benih epal bukanlah buah epal dan benih kurma bukanlah buah kurma. Tetapi benih-benih itu dengan pertolongan Tuhan dapat menjadi buah epal dan buah kurma yang manis apabila disemai, ditanam, dirawat dan dijaga dengan sungguh-sungguh. Sebaliknya benih itu mungkin juga rosak dan tidak menjadi epal ataupun kurma walaupun dijaga dengan bersungguh-sungguh.
Apabila benih dapat dipengaruhi oleh usaha manusia sehingga ia dapat menerima satu keadaan dan menolak satu keadaan lain, maka begitu juga dengan hati. Melalui latihan dan tekad menyemai, menanam, merawat dan menjaga hati, hati menjadi suci dan manis.

Biasakah diri kita senantiasa membersihkan hati. Gunakan waktu selepas solat fardu sekurang-kurangnya sekali sehari bagi memuhasabah dan merenung diri. Adakah kita sudah membersihkan hati hari ini?

Empat Tahap Membersihkan Hati

Menerima hakikat tiada kejayaan sebenar di dunia ini
Kejayaan adalah perkara subjektif. Tidak ada rumus yang mampu mengira tahap kejayaan individu sama ada kita benar-benar sudah berjaya. Ramai yang berjaya dalam satu bidang, tetapi gagal dalam bidang yang lain. Bagi menyedapkan hati, kita berkata,

Tidak ada yang sempurna di dunia ini. Biasalah berjaya tidak bermakna sempurna.

Oleh itu, apakah kejayaan yang sebenar? Kejayaan yang hakiki adalah apabila kita bertemu dengan Tuhan dan dikurniakan Syurga. Terimalah hakikat, kejayaan di dunia bersifat sementara. Jangan sekali-kali menggantung harapan kejayaan dunia sebagai sasaran kerana kita hanya mengejar bayang-bayang sendiri.

Tekad mendapatkan ilmu berkaitan diri sendiri
Manusia dianugerahkan pancaindera bagi melihat, mendengar, menghidu dan merasa. Ada yang cantik dan ada yang buruk. Ada yang lunak dan ada yang sumbang. Ada yang wangi dan ada yang busuk. Ada yang manis dan ada yang masam.

Kesemuanya adalah perkara-perkara luaran pada tubuh kita. Jadi, bagi mendapatkan ilmu berkaitan apa yang ada dalam diri kita, kita memerlukan satu lagi pancaindera. Pancaindera ini dinamakan ‘Pandangan mata hati’.

Pandangan mata hati mampu melihat segala kekuatan dan kelemahan dalam diri kita. Ia mampu menyatakan apa yang baik dan apa yang tidak pada diri kita. Dua kunci bagi memperoleh pandangan mata hati adalah dengan mendekatkan diri dengan agama serta sering bertanya kepada orang lain. Antaranya dengan bertanya kepada musuh mengenai pandangannya pada kita. Seterusnya kita menerima pandangan itu dengan terbuka dan bertekad mendapatkan ilmu berkaitan diri sendiri.

Banyakkan waktu memuhasabah diri
Muhasabah adalah dengan melihat kekurangan dan kelemahan yang wujud pada diri kita. Setiap manusia pasti memiliki kekurangan dan kelemahan. Mengingati kekurangan dan kelemahan bukan untuk disesali tetapi untuk diperbaiki.

Muhasabah juga adalah apabila kita merenungi kesilapan dan kesalahan yang pernah dilakukan. Jangan takut apabila melakukan kesulapan kerana dengan kesilapan itulah kita belajar. Tetapi jangan cuba melakukan kesulapan dengan alasan hendak belajar. Ambil masa beberapa ketika sebelum kita terlelap pada waktu malam bagi bermuhasabah,

Apa yang sudah kita lakukan sepanjang hari ini?

Belajar daripada orang lain
Orang yang bijaksana adalah orang yang menjadikan setiap inci kehidupannya sebagai proses pembelajaran. Lihat setiap perkara yang berlaku di sekeliling kita dengan kaca mata seorang pelajar dan dengan pandangan mata hati hendak belajar.

Jadikan setiap perkara buruk yang berlaku di persekitaran kita sebagai pengajaran untuk dihindari. Gunakan semua perkara baik yang kita temui dan tempuhi sebagai pedoman supaya terus memperbaiki diri. Jadikan semua perkara sebagai tempat belajar dan memperbaiki kualiti hati kita.

Bagaimana membersihkan hati?

Menerima hakikat tiada kejayaan sebenar di dunia ini
Tekad mendapatkan ilmu berkaitan diri sendiri
Banyakkan waktu memuhasabah diri
Belajar daripada orang lain

Memperkukuhkan Hati Dengan Benteng Agama
Hamka menulis,

Akal itu diisi dengan ilmu, manakala hati itu diisi dengan agama.

Hati tidak dapat diurus dengan baik apabila ia hanya diberikan air bagi menyucikannya. Tanpa dibentengi, hati mudah rosak.

Apabila tidak dibentengi dengan rapi, ia menjadi busuk sehingga tidak dapat digunakan, bahkan mungkin juga merosakkan hati lain. Maka, benteng yang paling kukuh bagi memelihara kesucian hati adalah agama.

Agama adalah kompas kehidupan manusia. Tanpa agama manusia kehilangan arah dan petunjuk. Hati tanpa agama adalah hati tidak bernyawa. Hati hanya dapat hidup dan sihat dengan cahaya agama.

Dua Benteng Agama bagi Hati
Kejujuran
Ibnu Jauzi, seorang ulama tersohor menyatakan,

Ketika seseorang itu jujur, ia sangat berharga,
Dan ketika dia khianat, dia menjadi hina.

Kejujuran adalah kunci bagi mendapatkan agama. Orang yang jujur adalah orang yang mampu menepis segala godaan dunia dan mendahulukan suruhan agama. Orang jujur perlu jujur pada diri sendiri dan pada orang lain.

Jujur pada diri sendiri adalah dengan menerima kekurangan dan tidak menipu diri. Jujur pada orang lain pula adalah dengan memberi dan menerima pada yang patut. Kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial bersinar dengan cahaya kejujuran.

Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam adalah model realiti kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial dengan kejujuran. Tanyalah pada diri kita

Adakah aku sudah berlaku jujur pada diri sendiri dan orang lain?
Adakah aku layak mendapati gelaran ‘Al-Amin?’

Kesabaran
Sabar itu pahit tetapi hasilnya manis. Orang yang mampu bersabar dalam apa jua keadaan adalah orang yang tenang jiwanya dan halus hati budinya. Sabar itu merangkumi sabar daripada perasaan marah, sabar menerima kritikan dan teguran, sabar daripada menghina dan membanding-banding dan sabar dengan dugaan kehidupan.

Marah ibarat api. Apabila tidak mampu dikawal kelak membakar diri. Marah merosakkan perhubungan apatah lagi apabila dilahirkan di khalayak. Bagi mengawal marak api kemarahan, ia memerlukan air yang banyak. Namun, air yang mujarab adalah dengan mengingati Tuhan. Apabila berasa marah, cuba padamkannya dengan kesabaran.

Sabar dalam menerima kritikan dan teguran adalah penting dalam perhubungan. Orang yang tidak sabar menerima kritikan dan teguran adalah orang yang sombong. Orang yang sombong tidak disukai bahkan dibenci.

Anggaplah orang yang menegur sayang kepada kita. Kita juga sayangkan diri kita. Justeru, tindakan yang sewajarnya apabila menerima kritikan dan teguran adalah berubah. Inilah masanya memperbaiki diri.

Jauhkanlah hati kita daripada rasa dengki. Rasa dengki ini membawa kepada kekurangan kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial kita. Jangan sesekali menghina ataupun membanding-bandingkan apa sahaja berkaitan orang lain. Menghina tidak menambahkan apa-apa yang ada pada kita, bahkan mengurangkan.

Lebih baik kita memuji kerana ia bukan sahaja melahirkan rasa gembira, malah mengeratkan hubungan kita dengan orang lain. Begitu juga sikap membanding-banding. Sikap manusia memang suka membuat perbandingan. Mana yang baik mana yang buruk. Mana yang cantik dan mana yang tidak.

Sukakah kita apabila diri kita dibanding-bandingkan? Sekiranya tidak, mengapa kita membanding-banding?

Bagi memiliki sifat sabar dan ketabahan hati dalam menghadapi dugaan hidup, perlu kepada keazaman dan keyakinan yang teguh. Tunduk kepada kesukaran dan kesulitan hidup dengan meyeksakannya melalui perasaan negatif tidak mendatangkan apa-apa faedah selain daripada kehinaan sahaja.

Oleh sebab itu, kesukaran hendaklah ditentang dengan kesabaran dan ketabahan serta perasaan optimis. Kesabaran adalah senaman jiwa yang diketahui oleh intelek semua bangsa dan agama. Ia adalah senaman yang disanjung kerana tabiat dan hasilnya. Keazaman itu lebih tinggi mutunya daripada kebimbangan dan sikap optimis lebih berguna daripada sikap pesimis.

Menyuburkan Hati dengan Rasa Cinta
Hamka menulis,

Akal itu diisi dengan ilmu, manakala hati itu diisi dengan agama. Maka bekas bagi mengisi agama ke dalam hati adalah cinta.

Cinta adalah perasaan jiwa dan gelojak hati yang mendorong seseorang mencintai kekasihnya dengan penuh ghairah, lembut dan kasih sayang.

Cinta juga dikatakan makanan bagi hati, santapan bagi jiwa dan ubat penenang hati. Ia adalah kebahagiaan bagi jiwa, cahaya bagi akal dan bangunan bagi batin. Ia juga adalah jiwa bagi kehidupan dan kehidupan bagi jiwa.

Bagi menguruskan hati dengan baik, hati perlu disuburkan dengan cinta. Cinta yang subur berputik membuahkan rindu. Rindu menjadi magnet yang kuat bagi mempertemukan sang pencinta dengan cintanya.

Namun, hati-hati dengan cinta. Cinta itu madu juga racun bisa. Cinta dapat membawa kepada bahagia juga kepada sengsara. Cinta dapat mendorong kepada kebaikan dan kerindahan, juga dapat menjerumus kepada kecelakaan dan kehinaan. Setiap orang pasti merasai kewujudan cinta dalam hatinya. Orang yang mati hatinya sahaja tidak merasai cinta. Manusia tidak mungkin hidup tanpa cinta. Adakah kita pernah merasai kewujudan cinta dalam hati?

Saluran cinta banyak. Ramai orang cinta pada kekasih, pasangan, kuasa, wang, nama dan sebagainya. Orang yang memiliki kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial menyalurkan rasa cinta kepada saluran yang baik. Saluran cinta yang sebaik-baiknya adalah bersesuaian dengan lirik nasyid dendangan kumpulan Saujana yang kerap kali kedengaran di saluran radio IKIM.Fm.

Cinta kepada ALLAH,
Cinta Rasul,
Cinta Ibu Bapa,
Cinta kepada Ummah,
Cinta kepada kecemerlangan.

Cinta kepada Tuhan
Cinta kepada Tuhan adalah cinta utama yang tidak ada duanya. Seorang Muslim yang mampu menerbitkan dan menyuburkan rasa cinta kepada Tuhan dengan baik pasti merasai kelazatan iman. Cinta kepada Tuhan adalah kunci bagi memastikan kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat.

Orang yang memiliki kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial meletakkan cintanya kepada Tuhan mengatasi segala-galanya. Pada wajahnya pasti zahir cahaya cinta itu. Lihatlah wajah orang yang menyerahkan cintanya yang agung hanya kepada Tuhan, wajahnya bercahaya.

Dari mana datangnya cahaya itu? Ia datang daripada rasa cinta. Hatinya yang diisi dengan agama dan cinta agama itu senantiasa tertunduk. Bicaranya hikmah, diamnya mujahada, kehadirannya rahmah, pemergiannya senantiasa diingati. Tanamkan rasa cinta agung ini di hati. Pasti berjaya!

Cinta kepada Rasul
Cinta kepada Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam adalah cinta kepada contoh terbaik. Tidak ada contoh tauladan yang lebih baik selain daripada beliau. Cinta kepada beliau adalah dengan mengikuti sunnahnya. Sejarah membuktikan, tidak ada tokoh yang lebih berpengaruh dalam peradaban dunia selama-lamanya, melainkan beliau. Mengapa?

Antaranya adalah kerana kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial beliau. Beliau bukan sahaja disanjungi oleh rakan dan teman, bahkan juga musuh. Kehadirannya membahagiakan, tutur bicaranya menyentuh jiwa, kehilangannya menyakitkan. Inilah contoh agung kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial.

Cinta kepada Ibu Bapa
Ibu bapa adalah orang yang melahir, membesar dan mendidik kita. Setiap anak berasa indahnya cinta melalui ibu bapa. Cinta kepada ibu bapa adalah cinta sejati. Cinta kepada ibu bapa tersemai sejak kecil lagi. Hati yang mempunyai rasa cinta kepada ibu bapa adalah hati yang tahu mengenang budi.

Rasa cinta kepada ibu bapa dapat dibina dengan senantiasa mengingati dan mengenang jasa-jasa mereka. Tidak ada orang yang lebih berjasa kepada kita selain ibu bapa.

Oleh sebab itu, ‘Kasihnya ibu membawa ke Syurga, kasihnya ayah berkorban nyawa’. Cuba kita fikir dan renungkan dengan pandangan mata hati,

Apakah yang sudah saya lakukan bagi membalas segala jasa ibu bapa saya?

Cinta kepada Ummah
Sejarah membuktikan cinta teragung kepada masyarakat dimiliki oleh Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam. Semasa beliau nazak, perkataan terakhir yang keluar daripada mulut beliau sebelum menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir adalah,

Umatku, umatku, umatku.

Apakah yang begitu istimewa kepada masyarakat ini sehingga Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam cukup cinta kepada kita?

Orang yang memiliki kecantikan dan ketampanan sosial memiliki perasaan yang mendalam pada masyarakat di sekelilingnya. Rasa empati mengalir di setiap urat nadi. Kita mampu menitiskan air mata melihat kecelakaan yang menimpa orang lain. Kita mampu merasai setiap perkara yang berlaku di persekitaran dengan berkesan.

Bagaimana ia boleh dilakukan? Ia hanya berlaku apabila perasaan cinta mampu dialirkan kepada semua orang yang ditemui. Ini dibincangkan dengan lebih lanjut dalam bab yang berikutnya nanti.

Cinta kepada Kecemerlangan
Pernahkah kita bertanya kepada diri mengenai apakah tujuan kehidupan kita? Apakah sebab kita dilahirkan? Adakah sekadar dilahirkan bagi merasai sakitnya kematian pada satu hari nanti?

Setiap yang dijadikan pasti ada sebab dan penyebabnya, tujuan dan matlamatnya. Hakikatnya manusia diciptakan adalah bagi mencapai kecemerlangan dunia dan akhirat. Sekiranya kita mahu memastikan kehidupan bermakna, letakkan kecintaan kepada kecemerlangan.

Orang yang cinta kepada kecemerlangan mempunyai pandangan yang berbeza pada sesuatu. Kita memandang segala-galanya dengan kaca mata orang yang cemerlang.

Contohnya, orang yang gagal mempunyai sikap yang berbeza pada wang berbanding orang yang cemerlang. Orang yang cemerlang berfikir cara-cara menggunakan wang itu bagi mendapatkan lebih banyak wang. Orang yang gagal pula berfikir cara bagi menghabiskannya.

Ingatlah, tangga pertama bgi menggapai kecemerlangan adalah dengan menyuburkan rasa cinta kepada kecemerlangan. Selepas itu terserahlah kepada kita bertindak.

Ahmad Naim Jaafar & Mohd Ikram Mohd Nor Wazir (=

:)

2009-09-24T16:18:00.000+08:00

A Discussion

A conversation for Muslim sisters:

"I'm so tired."

"Tired of what?"

"Of all these people judging me."

"Who judged you?"

"Like that woman, every time I sit with her, she tells me to wear hijab."

"Oh, hijab and music! The mother of all topics!"

"Yeah! I listen to music without hijab? aha!"

"Maybe she was just giving you advice."

"I don't need her advice. I know my religion. Can`t she mind her own business?"

"Maybe you misunderstood. She was just being nice."

"Keeping out of my business, that would be nice..."

"But it's her duty to encourage you do to good."

"Trust me. That was no encouragement. And what do you mean `good` ?"

"Well, wearing hijab, that would be a good thing to do."

"Says who?"

"It's in the Qur'an, isn't it?"

"Yes. She did quote me something."

"She said Surah Nur, and other places of the Qur'an."

"Yes, but it's not a big sin anyway. Helping people and praying is more important."

"True. But big things start with small things."

"That's a good point, but what you wear is not important. What's important is to have a good healthy heart."

"What you wear is not important?"

"That's what I said."

"Then why do you spend an hour every morning fixing up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You spend money on cosmetics, not to mention all the time you spend on fixing your hair and low-carb dieting."

"So?"

"So, your appearance IS important."

"No. I said wearing hijab is not an important thing in religion."

"If it's not an important thing in religion, why is it mentioned in the Holy Qur'an?"

"You know I can't follow all that's in Qur'an."

"You mean God tells you something to do, you disobey and then it's OK?"

"Yes. God is forgiving."

"God is forgiving to those who repent and do not repeat their mistakes."

"Says who?"

"Says the same book that tells you to cover."

"But I don't like hijab, it limits my freedom."

"But the lotions, lipsticks, mascara and other cosmetics set you free?! What`s your definition of freedom anyway?"

"Freedom is in doing whatever you like to do."

"No. Freedom is in doing the right thing, not in doing whatever we
wish to do."

"Look! I've seen so many people who don't wear hijab and are nice people, and so many who wear hijab and are bad people."

"So what? There are people who are nice to you but are alcoholic. Should we all be alcoholics? You made a stupid point."

"I don't want to be an extremist or a fanatic. I'm OK the way I am without hijab."

"Then you are a secular fanatic. An extremist in disobeying God."

"You don't get it, if I wear hijab, who would marry me?!"

"So all these people with hijab never get married?!"

"Okay! What if I get married and my husband doesn't like it? And wants me
to remove it?"

"What if your husband wants you to go out with him on a bank robbery?!"

"That's irrelevant, bank robbery is a crime."

"Disobeying your Creator is not a crime?"

"But then who would hire me?"

"A company that respects people for who they are."

"Not after 9-11"

"Yes. After 9-11. Don't you know about Hanan who just got into med school? And the other one, what was her name, the girl who always wore a white hijab? mmm?"

"Yasmeen?"

"Yes. Yasmeen. She just finished her MBA and is now interning for GE."

"Why do you reduce religion to a piece of cloth anyway?"

"Why do you reduce womanhood to high heals and lipstick colors?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"In fact, I did. Hijab is not just a piece of cloth. It is obeying God in a difficult environment. It is courage, faith in action, and true womanhood. But your short sleeves, tight pants?"

"That's called `fashion`, you live in a cave or something? First of all, hijab was founded by men who wanted to control women."

"Really? I did not know men could control women by hijab."

"Yes. That's what it is."

"What about the women who fight their husbands to wear hijab? And women in France who are forced to remove their hijab by men? What do you say about that?"

"Well, that's different."

"What difference? The woman who asked you to wear hijab? she was a woman, right?"

"Right, but?"

"But fashions that are designed and promoted by male-dominated corporations, set you free? Men have no control on exposing women and using them as a commodity?! Give me a break!"

"Wait, let me finish, I was saying?"

"Saying what? You think that men control women by hijab?"

"Yes."

"Specifically how?"

"By telling women how and what to wear, dummy!"

"Doesn't TV, magazines and movies tell you what to wear, and how to be `attractive'?"

"Of course, it's fashion."

"Isn't that control? Pressuring you to wear what they want you to wear?"

[Silence]

"Not just controlling you, but also controlling the market."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are told to look skinny and anorexic like that woman on the cover of the magazine, by men who design those magazines and sell those products."

"I don't get it. What does hijab have to do with products."

"It has everything to do with that. Don't you see? Hijab is a threat to consumerism, women who spend billions of dollars to look skinny and live by standards of fashion designed by men? and then here is Islam, saying trash all that nonsense and focus on your soul, not on your looks, and do not worry what men think of your looks."

"Like I don't have to buy hijab? Isn't hijab a product?"

"Yes, it is. It is a product that sets you free from male-dominated consumerism."

"Stop lecturing me! I WILL NOT WEAR HIJAB! It is awkward, outdated, and totally not suitable for this society ... Moreover, I am only 20 and too young to wear hijab!"

"Fine. Say that to your Lord, when you face Him on Judgment Day."

"Fine."

"Fine."

[Silence]

"Shut up and I don't want to hear more about hijab niqab schmijab Punjab!"

[Silence]

She stared at the mirror, tired of arguing with herself all this time.
Successful enough, she managed to shut the voices in her head, with her own opinions triumphant in victory on the matter, and a final modern decision accepted by the society - but rejected by the Faith:

"Yes!" - to curls on the hair - "No!" - to hijab!

"And he(/she) is indeed a failure who corrupts it [the soul]!"

[Holy Quran 91:10]

Subhana'Allah!!!
"Nay! You prefer the life of this world; While the hereafter is better and more lasting."

[Holy Quran:87:16-17]

"You are the best community (Ummah) raised up for (the benefit of) humanity; enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong and believing in Allah."

[Holy Quran: 3:110]

AQ Alidost

The Turning Point.

2009-09-18T23:11:00.001+08:00

It was the appendectomy I just had nearly 2 months ago, that has made me change to whoever I am now. The night before my emergency appendectomy, I had this *wordless* pain all over my body, that I thought I will die the next day. Ku pikir iatah sakratal maut ku sudah.. Sakit, Allah saja yang Maha Mengetahui. Cukup.. tangisan ku malam atu, tangisan sesalan.

Dalam kesakitan, kan bediri lurus pun payah, tidak semena-mena aku sembahyang taubat, aku menangis menyesal, aku menangis rebah di sejadah. Dalam keadaan ward yang sangat sajuk, aku kuatkan diri untuk berdiri. Ku gagahkan jua. KEnapa?

10 malam, 22 Julai 2009, appendicitis pain atu sudah mula terasa. Ke jantung, ke hati, ke perut, ke usus, ke buah pinggang .. semuaa semua terasa. AKu masih ingat akan kata2 org sekelilingku.. sakit demam tani ani, penghapus dosa. Ya Allah, besar sungguh dosa ku, yang mana aku menghidapi sakit yang teramat sangat. Dalam keadaan berbaring, dengan baju yang berlapis empat masa atu, aku menangis. Kan berpaling ke kanan, sakit, ke kiri pun sakit tah jua. Aku menangis lagi, akan mati kah aku? Dalam hatiku berkata "Ya Allah, kejinya hamba mu ani, sudah sakit barutah ingat kan Kau ya Allah.. Sempatkah ku bertaubat? Tapi aku sakit, kan berpusing badan pun seksa rasanya.. Tapi kalau diambil nyawa ku esok cemana?"

Dengan menggagahkan diri aku sembahyang taubat, walaupun ku lupa cemana, tapi ku niatkan jua. Malu.. yess aku malu.. malu pasal sudah sakit barutah terngadah! Lama ku duduk d sejadah, alhamdulillah, baik jua nda lupa bawa sejadah, walaupun sebelum atu sembahyang ku, kadang2 d buat, kadang di tinggalkan.. Ingin2 hati ku saja...

One of the senior nurse came and checked on me, rupanya she heard I was crying. Ya Allah, malu lagi ku terhadap MU ya Rabbi~

Tertidur2 ku di siring katil.. lalu ku berdiri and kembali berbaring dikatil, kerana keadaan ku sudah semakin lemah kerana kesakitan... Sebelum ku tidur, sempat ku sms mama and Z, meminta ampun, dan juga teman-teman terdekat ku, especially Nonoi and Bibi d UK. Aku terlalu banyak dosa.. Terlalu banyak kemungkaran telah ku buat. Aurat ku sebelum ini, ku dedahkan kepada semua khalayak manusia. Dan kadang2 ku berpura-pura di depan mama. Padahal sudah ditegur beribu kali oleh Z. Mulut/lidah ku kadang2 tidak putus, bersalah sangka, yang mendatangkan fitnah akhirnya dan mengumpat, yang mendatangkan kejahatan akhirnya... Aku ingkar Ya Allah... Hina sangat hambaMU ani!!

Terlalu letih ku dengan menahan sakit, dengan berbekal zikir, Astaghfirullah, dan La Ilaha Ilallah, lalu aku tidur.... dan terbangun ketika Nurses hendak mengambil vital signs ku, dalam pukul 4pagi. Selesainya, mereka mengambil vital signs dan administer my antibiotics.. aku solat subuh lagi dalam keadaan duduk, kerana untuk berdiri sudah ku kesakitan, sewaktu ku mengambil wudhu. Selepas solat, aku tidak dapat kembali tidur, kerana sakit ku sudah at the maximum level. Ku bacakan ayat Kursi, sesampai2 nya, lidah ku tersasul..

Dalam 5:45am, Z rupanya ada sudah datang melawat, dan aku terbaring dalam keadaan kesakitan, dengan jubah, dan hijab ku. Z terkejut, dan senyum. Aku masih ingat katanya

"alhamdulillah, jangan fikir macam-macam, InsyaAllah nada papa tu, OK, banyak bawa istighfar. Karang sebelum kena tidurkan with anaesthesia, baca syahadah"

Aku mengalirkan air mata lagi. Begitu baik insan yang diberikan kepada ku, tetapi kadang2 ku cuaikan nasihatnya. Aku balik2 sms mama, nda sabar kan liat mama sebelum ku di surung ke OT, tiba masanya ku di panggil ke OT, mama masih nada, still stucked with the traffic jam. Aku nangis lagi..

"Ya Allah, jangan dulu ambil nyawaku, aku masih mau menyenangkan hati Mama, aku terlalu banyak menyakitkan hatinya"

Ku pesankan lagi arah Z, "Kalau ada papa arahku, aku masuk ICU, jangan suruh nurse mandikan aku, aku mau mama saja" .. YES! Sampai kesana pemikiran ku~!

Dalam perjalanan ke OT (atas trolley) lidah ku nda putus2 ber istighfar, dan sesampainya di OT, apabila ku di "position" kan atas table dan ternampak "PROPOFOL" kan di inject ke saluran darahku. Aku bersyahadah!

10:45, aku sedar, aku muntah terlalu banyak. Lalu ku d balikkan ke ward, aku macam "palau2" masih, cos of the anaesthesia effect..

Aku sedar sepenuhnya 12:45 selepas zuhur, aku nampak mama duduk sebalahku, aku senyum dan bersyukur. Alhamdulillah.... I was searching for Z, mom said, he went home sudah. Sempat lagi ku capai HP mau text kedia, rupanya ia ada text kediaku sudah awal ....

"Alhamdulillah, Tuhan masih bagi peluangkan? Now it's your turning point. Buat lah apa yang patut. Ani Abg balik rumah dulu mau sembahyang, karang lepas Isyak abg kesana."

SO, that was my turning point, aku berubah selepas atu, perlahan-lahan, bermula daripada, aurat ku, dan solat ku.

Tetapi yang menyedihkan, perubahan ku ani telah banyak di salah ertikan. Perkongsian ilmu dan tazkirah ku di anggap SINDIRAN, padahal aku nda pernah terfikirkan menyindir sesiapa pun, niatku hanya ingin berkongsi, bukan menuding jari dan menyalahkan sesiapa.

Perubahan ku ani bukan untuk sesiapa, tapi untuk diriku jua. Sedikit demi sedikit, sikap ku dulu yang suka berburuk sangka dan "judging people by first impression" kian berubah. Alhamdulillah

Tetapi another sad thing, I am losing my BEST and GOOD friends because of this. Aku bersabar. Aku di tohmah! Aku bersabar. Aku senyum saja, bukan senyum kerana puas hati, senyum .. walaupun aku nada kawan, tapi Allah masih sayang aku!! Mama ku masih support aku! Z still here, motivating me!

Kenapa ku buat post ani? I just realised, I am losing friends day by day, kerana ada some of my status di anggap MENYINDIR (MEMPERLI) dan sengaja MENYAKITKAN HATI. Sehingga ada yang tidak mahu MEMAAFKAN AKU SEUMUR HIDUPNYA.

Sesungguhnya, status kah post kah apa saja yang ku sebarkan adalah Ilmu, ilmu untuk kitani semua. Tinggi mana pun pelajaran, PHD pebaik kelulusan, tidak ada yang menandingi ILMU ALLAH! IKHLAS dari aku yang masih berbakai-bakai belajar erti hidup sebagai MUSLIMAH!

Aku mengambil iktibar dari apa yang ku selalu sebarkan, apa yang selalu ku ajarkan kepada ukhti dan akhi ku, untuk peringatan diri ku sendiri, agar tidak jauh terpesong lagi. Cukup sudah 25 tahun aku bergelumang dengan dosa, hati yang tidak pernah tenang (yang mana kadang2 ku fikir ada yang kan meng"ILMU HITAM"kan diri ku) .. jahil kan? ... JAHIL sangat!

Aku seorang pelajar terbaik dulu, baik di sekolah inggeris atau sekolah agama.. Malahan aku murid kesayangan ustazah ku. NO, bukan ku kan riak atau takabbur. Tapi Pelajar terbaik pun, aku masih lalai dan tidak pernah ku praktikkan pengetahuan ku. Dulu aku selalu di pilih untuk menyertai musabaqah tilawah, untuk sekolah2.. TAPI ianya hanya untuk PERTANDINGAN! Bukan untuk amalan seharian ku dirumah. SEDIH.. HINA.. lagi JAHIL!

Banarnya pepatah Melayu.. Sepandai-pandai tupai Melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua!

Untuk akhirnya, aku masih ingat tentang kisah Rasulullah S.A.W dulu, ketika dia mula terang-terangan menyebarkan agama Islam.... Siapakah yang menentangnya berhabis-habisan? PAKCIKNYA sendiri!

Iatah ku ambil contoh tu, kerana KAWANKU sendiri membuang aku!

Untuk akhirnya, Mohon AMPUN dan MAAF, jika apa yang ku buat selama ani menyakitkan hati atau terguris hati kalian, niatku bukan kesana, tapi untuk berkongsi saja. Sekiranya kelakuan ku tidak dapat di maafkan aku redha, kerana aku bukannya perfect sangat. Aku sendiri masih belajar, dan sentiasa belajar. Minta maaf atas segala kekasaran bahasaku di dalam post ani. Apa yang ku bagitau hanyalah pengalaman hidupku..

Kepada "BEST/GOOD FRIENDS" who just ditched me over my everyday FB status, Mudahan Allah memberi hidayah kepada kamu dan membuka hati kamu, sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang dan Maha Pemurah. AMIN.

Jazakillahu Khair~

Seloka untuk Wanita

2009-09-16T14:55:00.006+08:00

First of all, this post I am gonna share, I just received it as a forwarded email. When I read this "seloka" I just realised things like high heels, can also mengundang haram. My closed people know that how I love my high heels, that I am collecting lots of 'em cos I love to look elegant and tall of course and shapes and designs I envy.

And also, that I am posting this, bukan niat untuk menyakitkan hati sesiapa, jadikan panduan, and sempadan mana yang di fikir keterlaluan (jika ada). Isi-isi seloka ani, ada jua kebenarannya, tapi jika difikirkan post ani keterlaluan, atu pendirian masing-masing untuk di fikirkan. Sekali lagi, Maaf di pohonkan jika menyakitkan hati biskita pembaca.

===================================================

Tutup aurat adalah satu tuntutan,

Dalam keluarga wajib ditekankan,

Kalau tidak ikut gunalah rotan,

Demi melaksanakan perintah Tuhan.

Aurat ditutup mestilah lengkap,

Tudung litup termasuk skap,

Mini telekong pun orang cakap,

Elok dipandang tidak perlu pun ‘make up’.

Sekurang-kurangnya berbaju kurung,

Lebih elok jubah mengurung,

Kaki pula mesti bersarung,

Ditumit kaki syaitan bertarung.

Kalau wanita menutup aurat,

Orang jahat tidak berani mengorat,

Bahkan boleh menjadi ubat,

Orang memandang boleh bertaubat.

Pakaian modern(?) memanglah hebat,

Harganya mahal walaupun ketat,

Walaupun cantik tetapi singkat,

Orang memakai pun nampak pusat.

Berseluar ketat baju pun ketat,

Jarangnya pula boleh dilihat,

Orang yang memakai terus dilakhnat,

Oleh Allah, Rasul dan Malaikat.

Apa yang cantik bila dipandang,

Lengan pendek tetapi bertudung,

Kelihatan seperti orang yang kudung,

Mata terpandang kaki tersandung

Amatlah aneh bila di fikir,

Baju kebaya tudung berukir,

Nampak dada iman terjungkir,

Kain terbelah peha terukir.

Bila ditanya kenapa begitu,

Dia menjawab: fesyennya dah macam tu,

Di dalam hati niat tertentu,

Menggoda lelaki sudahlah tentu.

Menutup aurat boleh berfesyen,

Tetapi jangan menunjuk eksyen,

Sesuaikan diri ikut profesyen,

Kalau dilakhnat tiada guna sesen.

Kalau nak “Make Up” biarlah berpadan,

Jangan terlebih bila berdandan,

Minyak wangi cuba elakkan,

Bedak dan gincu sekadar keperluan.

Kasut tinggi cuba jauhi,

Kerana ia akan melahirkan bunyi,

Boleh menarik perhatian si lelaki,

Perbuatan ini dibenci Ilahi.

Apatah lagi menghentakkan kaki,

Menarik perhatian orang lelaki,

Melenggok punggung menggoda hati,

Ustaz melihat pun separuh mati.

Buat apa ditayangkan jambul,

Kecantikan tidak usah ditonjol-tonjol,

Mahkota disimpan tidak jadi bisol,

Memakai tudung Islam tersimbol.

Selokaku ini bukanlah berniat jahat,

Cuma ingin memperingat,

Kepada semua para sahabat,

Terutama sekali rakan sejawat.

Kalau ingin ikut nasihat ini,

Jangan bertangguh, ubahlah diri,

Benda yang baik tidak perlu diuji,

Akan terserlah akhlak terpuji.

Kepada semua kawan lelaki,

Jangan tergelak bila wanita diperli,

Keluarga kita tidak terkecuali,

Terutama sekali anak dan isteri.

Sudahkah kita tanamkan iman,

Menutup aurat sepanjang badan,

Ke sana sini dilindungi Tuhan,

Keluarga menjadi contoh teladan.

Setakat ini seloka kami,

Harap dapat menghibur hati,

Yang baik bolehlah anda ikuti,

Kalau boleh besok anda mulai.

Nawaitu

2009-09-13T17:47:00.001+08:00

"Dan perintahkanlah keluargamu serta umatmu mengerjakan sembahyang, dan hendaklah engkau tekun bersabar" menunaikannya. Kami tidak meminta rezeki kepadamu, (bahkan) Kamilah yang memberi rezeki kepadamu. Dan (ingatlah) kesudahan yang baik adalah bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa." - Surah Thahaa - Ayat 132

Just sharing cerita, nda bermaksud untuk label-ing apa, jadi panduan saja. And more, me myself belum ada anak tapi ada adik-adik yang seumur dengan apa yang akan diceritakan..

Last night, after a while nda ikut tarawih, cos of duties and "woman's nature", aku kembali tarawih, Alhamdulillah. Well, aku datang lambat sedikit, cos mula2 was thinking kan bwa mama together with me, but since ia suruh aku jalan dulu so yeah.. I went to the mosque just ONE minute before Isyak.

And so, datang tah ke masjid, and I arrived ngam2 imam angkat takbir rakaat pertama. Masa kan masuk di kawasan jemaah perempuan, pintu di kunci dari dalam, been trying to knock, masih nda d buka, so I guess, orang start sembahyang sudah, sapa jua kan membuka. So, i tried again, ada tah jua anak ani membuka, 4-5 years old maybe.

Tanpa menoleh kiri dan kanan, terus ku smbayang sunat tahiyattul masjid dua rakaat, di saf yg kedua belakang. Selepas habis sembahyang sunat, I noticed ada yang bercerita-cerita di belakang, (masa atu jemaah, rakaat ke-3 fardhu Isyak sudah), ya Rabbi, bukannya kanak-kanak 4-5 tahun tapi sudah anak dara! Masa atu aku kan start sembahyang fardhu Isyak (niat sndiri, bukan masbuk). Ku tagur tah jua..

"Sembahyang kah becerita kamu ani?"

Di jawab one of the anak dara, "Nda.." sambil giggling tapi dalam keadaan ber i'tidal (berdiri selepas rukuk) cos masa atu jemaah pun ber-i'tidal, ku diamkan lapas atu, and durang pun diam.

Then I began my solat fardhu Isyak. Selepas habis salam, I just noticed my mom baru kan habis sunat tahiyat masjid nya. And I saw, some of the kids (4-5 yrs old) start to buka kain durang sudah, tapi nda buat bising.. durang buat homework durang d belakang, which was kinda cute, but kalau buleh lagi baik ikut jemaah lah ah..

So when the tarawih started, I moved myself to the front SAF with my mother cos, the kids ke belakang sudah. After the 4th Rakaat, I went out for wudhu, cos terbatal (nda perlu lah d ceritakan kali ah kenapa batal haha). Then lepas ambil wudhu, I went in balik lah untuk teruskan tarawih. While wearing my socks and telekung, I noticed those "girls (anak dara)", masih di saf belakang sekali, and masa atu jemaah rukuk, rakaat pertama, and durang becerita while rukuk! Ku tegur lagi.. "Sembahyang kah becerita?", semua terdiam. So I left them hoping that they would start to sembahyang tah banar-banar.

I joined the jemaah next. And after rakaat ke-8, ku toleh ke belakang, cos masa ku solat atu aku terdengar bini-bini becerita bah, ndakan org tua kan?? Then guess what they were doing? Playing cards!

Aku mngurut dada tahan sabar. They knew I saw them, but they ignored. Even some of the folks, aunties and granny menoleh arah bisdia ani.. But still.. degilnya ya Rabbi! Until kan solat witir, one of the girl's nenek, menagur! I think neneknya pun kan ilang sabar kali.

Habis solat witir apa, one of my aunty (ketua muslimah) approached them, di cakapi tah, di nasihati tah lapas atu, and even the nenek I mentioned earlier, sampai memarahi cucunya ani. And so, they left the saf and went to meja makan d belakang, the girl yang memulakan main card atu, menjawab "Puas ati tah kamu tu? Puas ati kamu marah2?"

then I said to her and let the other girls mendengar "kenapa kau cakap cematu? yang kena nasihati atu yang banar jua tu? Apa niat kamu yang banarnya ke masjid ani? Kalau kan tarawih, buat cara benar2, ani malam 10 terakhir sudah, patutnya kamu tingkatkan amalan kamu! Bukannya kan berulah macam kanak-kanak yang belum akil baligh. Kamu sekolah jua ugama sampai darjah 6 kan? Even sekolah menengah pun ada jua masih belajar ugama? Indakan nda tau hukum? As simple as ATURAN SAF pun kamu nda tau? Patutnya kamu yg akil baligh sudah dmana tempatnya? Saf belakang sekali kan?? Bacaan, tasbih, zikir semasa sembayang ndakan kamu nda pandai? Apatah niat kamu ke masjid ani hah? Kalau kan tadarus saja and mau dapat duit anugeraha, tantu pulang kamu datang masa kan tadarus saja, jangantah ikut tarawih. Kamu ani seolah-olah menyeluru bah. Menyeluru Imam! Berakal-berakal tah ah, ubah niat kamu atu, sadar2 tah"

Yes I have to say that out, sampai bila kan durang berulah cematu? Honestly I noticed ulah bisdia cematu since the first few nights of Ramadhan sudah. The first night of Ramadhan it was only me and my sisters, my cousin and her sisters dalam 8 org kami tadarus, then I think it was the 3rd or 4th night, nda semena-mena makin ramai the girls ikut. Mula-mula ku bersyukur cos kesedaran kan tadarus ani usulnya ada. Tapi, after few nights, I heard one of the girl actually becakap after the tadarus "Tau kamu? kalau ikut every night, kena bagi $10/malam? Aku ikut ni every night, walaupun tah uzur.. USIN bah tu!!" Aku terkesima.Terdiam. Honestly, I never thought of that. Yes it's true, the past years memang ada "anugeraha" .. tapi I never thought of that!! Even my sisters and the usual girls/ladies yg ikut tadarus, tercengang meliat tiba-tiba banyak girls ikut tadarus ani. And my sisters? Payah lagi kan d surung2 menyuruh ikut tadarus, cos durang busy with their assignments, homeworks and hafalan at home. But those girls? Uzur pun kan ikut? Astaghfirullah Al Azim!!!

Until the second week of Ramadhan, when my aunty keep on complaining to me, the girls was "sms-ing" while the others were reciting the Quran, and they never bother to check (semak) on the others punya bacaan. And so, masa my off duty I joined for tadarus, and ku sengajakan duduk sebalah those girls yg suka "sms-ing" or "chatting" masa tadarus ani. Bukan kan cari pasal, I know, our Ustazah ada sudah menagur, but the girls never bother jua. Iatah masa tadarus ani, before their turn, they actually mencari2 muka surat for their turn to read and will keep on reading it, maybe pasal takut banyak salah or maybe kan melancarkan kali jua. Then abis turn durang.. start tah durang katik-katik HP ani. I read my part, and checked on the girls punya bacaan/tajwid jua. But at the same time, I just can't help myself, melirik2 arah 2 girls ani, becerita and "chatting" with their phones.

Ku tagur sekali, durang stopped for a while, then noticed ku lagi, they were seems to "Text-ing" to each other, ku tagur lagi.. then macam marah d tariknya Mushaf atu ke paha nya, terpaksa tah ku tagur cos etika nya handled Mushaf atu salah and nda sepatutnya d pangku d paha. Ku biarkan after that. After 3 girls membaca after that, becerita lagi durang~ and bisdia ani ketinggalan 2 mukasurat! Ku sengaja kan tah, ku tanya, "mana ayat si Pulan atu baca ah?"

Nah!! terkial2 mencari muka surat atu, padahal we were at the end of the Juzu' sudah!

Why does all these happened? Honestly, the 2 events (tarawih n tadarus) actually happened on the same girls. Kan di kata nda belajar hukum, they went to Ugama school. Yes I knew them, sekampung.. Kampung ani nda basar, and penduduknya know each other macam adi beradi, anak branak, Alhamdulillah.

Tapi entahlah, kalau di ikutkan umur the girls atu, patutnya ndakan berbuat sedemikian lagi bah. Barangkali anak lelaki ada gauknya. BUkan kan "bias" tapi, baru ku pernah encounter anak dara cematu keulahannya. I can't say I am perfect, and my sisters are the best, kami pun pernah tergelincir. Myself di zaman umur cematu, inda iski kan tarawih, nda jua iski kan tadarus, sudah umur lanjut ani barutah iski kan tarawih and tadarus.

What I am trying to say here is, What are you gonna do if those girls are your sister? Or your daughter? Or your nieces? Some of you might say, Mana indungnya? Oh don't u ask me. But I was thinking.. MAna didikannya dirumah?

Didikan indung (parents) tentang ugama and adab beribadat. Myself, my parents were strict back then, sempat warning lagi, kalau niat kan becerita, baiktah teranah d rumah! Bab solat sembahyang, nda kurang dengan sindiran and warning my parents, even sudah akil baligh and even now!

Ani sekadar untuk renungan, and panduan. Mudahan jua, anak-anak dara yang ku ceritakan di atas, menjadi anak solehah satu hari nanti, mudahan satu hari barangkali tahun depan, barangkali esok or barangkali karang durang sadar dengan apa yang durang buat, sesungguhnya Allah atu maha adil. Kitani nda tau kenapa durang berulah cematu and kitani pun nda tau kenapa Allah atu menunjukkan kitani kejadian sedemikian. Yang kitani dapat buat, Doakan saja kebaikan untuk bisdia, InsyaAllah they will be a better and successful woman nanti! AMIN!!

Sayu.. Pedih.. Sedih~

2009-09-10T15:41:00.002+08:00

I cried.. I weeped... Terlalu cepat masa berlalu, Ramadhan is coming to its end soon. Oh Allah! You have shown me lots. Cubaan.. dugaan yang semakin hari semakin berat, tidak mematahkan semangat ku untuk tunduk dan semakin dekat pada Mu ya Allah.

Alhamdulillah, walaupun telah di timpa macam-macam dugaan, tetapi hamba Mu yang penuh dengan kekhilafan dan kejahilan ini, tidak pernah berpaling arah dan patah semangat. Syukur! Ramadhan ini, telah mengajar ku erti sabar dan merendah diri, mengajar ku erti sebenar menyintai Mu... Syukur!

Walaupun kadang-kadang ada tergelincir, akibat nafsu dan emosi yang terbawa-bawa, tapi apa pun yang terjadi sesungguhnya Allah maha mengetahui dan semuanya ada hidayah dan petunjukNya jua!

Satu perubahan telah terjadi jua atas diri yang jahil lagi keji ini.. Alhamdulillah.. Akan terus di pertahankan dan di laratkan kepada yang sepatutnya...

Honestly.. Im not looking forward for raya.. I just don't know why.. I am so gonna miss this Ramadhan, it has been a very special month for me, my soul...

Taken from a blog (sorry can't remember which..)

“ Wanita ibarat epal. Epal yang tak berkualiti amat mudah diperolehi kerana ia berguguran di tanah. Tapi epal yang tak mampu dibeli berada di puncak. Susah dipetik susah digapai. Terkadang epal itu risau, kenapa diriku belum dipetik? Lantas ia merendahkan martabatnya dan menggugurkan diri menyembah tanah. Sedangkan ia sebenarnya telah Allah jadikan begitu tinggi martabatnya sehingga tiada siapa berani memetiknya. Hanya pemuda yang benar-benar hebat sahaja yang mampu. Mungkin bukan didunia tapi akhirat. Biarlah jodoh bukan didunia asalkan cinta Ilahi mengiringi.”

2009-09-05T20:29:00.002+08:00

BERKATA Imam al-Syafie perkara yang lebih menganiayai diri sendiri ialah mereka merendahkan dirinya kerana dunia, memuji mereka tidak dikenali dengan lebih dekat dan mengasihi sahabat yang tidak memberi manfaat untuknya.

Lukmanul Hakim pula berkata: "Hai bangsa Adam, jauhkan olehmu daripada lima perkara yang membinasakan semua manusia, iaitu:

"Menipu kawan sendiri, tidak mengikut nasihat ulama, menghina dirinya kerana tamakkan harta, membesarkan dirinya atas saudara yang lain dan selalu mengikut hawa nafsu."

.. Ya Allah, tidakkah aku sudah menunjukkan kebenaran, adakah ini ujian Mu ya Rabbi?

Some truth were then turned to LIES. I don't know what has gone wrong. Maybe, me myself, has been too much involved. Again! Another mistake I have made. And for things I have made and done, I am now having the "hadiah" for being too CARE.?

A friend keep on checking on his sweetheart, although I didn't tell him anything and I keep on motivating him, I know one day Allah would open up his eyes and heart.. and yes the HURT truth revealed...

Berkata ulama: "Hai anak Adam, lazimnya olehmu diam supaya engkau dinamakan orang yang berakal kerana orang yang berakal itu tidak bercakap, melainkan atas sesuatu hajat yang menjadi kepastian untuknya atau kerana perkataan yang memberi nasihat.

"Dan tiadalah orang yang berakal itu fikirkan, melainkan pada akibat dunia dan akhirat.

"Hai orang yang berakal, ikatkan olehmu lidahmu melainkan menyebut nama Allah atau perkataan yang benar atau memberi nasihat kepada manusia atau kerana mengucap syukur kepada nikmat Allah."

Again, aku sangat khilaf, aku lupa.. akulah manusia yang penuh dengan negative vibe dalam jiwanya. I ended up "bercakap" daripada "berdiam diri sahaja"...

Astaghfirullah Al Azim............. Ya Allah betapa bodohnya hamba Mu ani

Sabda Rasulullah bermaksud: "Sesiapa berhajat untuk mencari kawan yang setia, maka Allah itulah yang terlebih patut engkau jadikan kawan kerana Dia bersifat kasih sayang pada dunia dan akhirat.

"Lagi pun sesiapa berhajat untuk bersuka ria, maka al-Quran itu memadailah dengannya dan sesiapa yang teringin untuk mengajar, maka memadailah dengan mengingati mati.

"Sesiapa yang berhajat dengan kekayaan, maka memadailah dengan sedikit itulah kekayaan atau kaya hati, maka jika engkau tidak mengambil pengajaran dengan empat rangkaian ini, adalah neraka itu lebih sesuai dengannya."‌

I Guess.. I just lost another good friend.. because of my silliness!

Khilaf nya hamba Mu

2009-08-27T14:40:00.005+08:00

Sabda Rasulullah S.A.W .. "Bila malaikat maut datang menjemput, terputuslah amalan anak Adam, kecuali ilmu bermanfaat, sedekah jariah dan doa anak yang soleh" - Hadis Riwayat Muslim

Last night Dad came to my dream, once I woke up, I realised I was crying. Once woke up I was supposed to go down and had my sahur, but I ended up sitting, reciting Yassin for Dad, that I missed my sahur. I was in tears. For 2 months I have forgotten him, I have forgot to read and sedekah for him. I missed him! More than anything. Oh Allah, thank YOU! .. you sent him in my dream, that his face was cerah, bercahaya! Alhamdulillah~!

Been daddy's girl and once he left you, only God knows how it feels like. It's like part of your soul has been taken that made you feels as if there's no hope, no future .. But then again, I learnt to be strong, once he was gone, I realised that Mom and my other siblings need me..

Alhamdulillah, all are now grown ups.

Dad.. reminds me of the famous tele-drama in Tv3, Nur Kasih, was kinda hooked up with the Drama since the 3rd episode. Knowing the storyline from a friend who worked with the production made me anxious.. eager to watch the upcoming episodes.

Nur Kasih, isn't the typical, malay Islamic drama you have watched, having Khabir Bhatia as the director, the plot.. the photography .. it was just amazing..

I hope with Nur Kasih, we would learn something from it, kata orang melayu, Yang baik jadikan tauladan, dan yang buruk jadikan sempadan.

Nur Kasih, a story, of .. few characters, but mainly focused to, Adam, Nur Amina and Aidil. Adam, the youngest, the naughtiest. Aidil, the eldest, and the Good son. Nur Amina, whom Adam was married to, but whom Aidil love. Nur Amina, who was believed by the father of Adam and Aidil to be "Siti Khadijah" to Adam ..... Although actually Adam, had his girlfriend left in sydney, whom he lived with.

Family conflicts, kesedaran and more. Ups and downs of our reality life. Jealousy and hatred.. and more PRASANGKA BURUK!

Jika dihayati lebih dalam, terlalu banyak, terlalu sinis drama ini. Derived from a real story, (that's what a friend told me) .. it is something for us to ponder. Perubahan yang ketara pada Adam (salah satu watak utama) di salah sangka oleh abang dan isteri nya sendiri pada mulanya, termasuk isterinya yang kedua. Kisah silamnya yang hitam, dijadikan landasan untuk menghakimi ke-taubatannya. Kesian kan?

Apa pula, pada yang telah sedar tapi masih sesat.. serong... masih terbuka aurat nya.. masih terlalu khilaf hingga lalai.. Lalai hanyut dengan kesenangan duniawi, hanyut dengan bisikan nafsu. Nauzubillah...

Lagi kasihan!

Been there.. Done that...

and Reality BITES!

I learnt a lot lately, I thought I knew everything but I was still naive, khilaf...

I thought by doing my routine solats, I could be more stronger, but there are more for us to do. Before I was a bit negative minded person that, something happened weeks ago that made me realised I ain't that perfect... And more ujian datang menimpa... Sesungguhnya aku hanyalah manusia yang Khilaf dan lalai..

Firman Allah Ta'ala, yang kira-kira bermaksud :

"Hai orang-orang beriman, jauhilah kebanyakan berprasangka, kerana sesungguhnya sebahagian dari sangkaan itu adalah dosa; dan janganlah kamu mengintip atau mencari-cari kesalahan dan keaiban orang; dan janganlah setengah kamu mengumpat setengahnya yang lain. Adakah seseorang dari kamu suka memakan daging saudaranya yang telah mati? (Jika demikian keadaan mengumpat) maka sudah tentu kamu jijik kepadanya. (Oleh itu patuhilah larangan-larangan yang tersebut) dan bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah; sesungguhnya Allah penerima taubat, lagi Maha mengasihani" - Surah Al-Hujarat ayat 12.

Rasulullah S.A.W juga ada bersabda yang kira-kira bermaksud :

"Berhati-hatilah kalian dari tindakan berprasangka buruk, kerana prasangka buruk adalah seDUSTA-DUSTA ucapan. Janganlah kalian saling mencari berita kejelekan orang lain, saling memata-matai, saling mendengki, saling membelakangi dan saling membenci. Jadilah kalian hamba-hamba Allah yang bersaudara" (Diriwayatkan Al-Bukhari)

I did that before, I used to judge people by their looks, by their personality, by their words.. MasyaAllah...!! And the truth... first impressions... first words aren't who they really are.

Like a good friend always told me, always be positive, and leave behinds all the negative vibe! Besides, to be a good person, that's how we should think.. I'd learn it in my Mental Health classes before.

Once I was positive, I was very positive, but once I was negative, I got carried on.. didn't realise besarnya dosa!

And that's just it, something to ponder...

Enjoy the trailer... and my favourite quote

"Isteri orang lain ada intan berlian ... Isteri abang ....." "Isteri abang ada abang..." - ayah and ibu Adam n Aidil ...

*sigh* I miss my "Abang" :)

Hypocrit.

2009-08-24T22:23:00.002+08:00

Pardon me for going all negative now. I have been having these negative vibe since early this month.

Only God knows how I feel. How badly shaped I was. And Alhamdulillah, that im fixing things and im fixing myself up now.

I can't turn things to normal shape but I can make things better for being a better one.

Ramadhan is here. Alhamdulillah, I can cope up with the new changes. After the tafakur I had, I realised some things.. I can't be good enough and I have to always be the humble servant of Allah..

A wise lady once told me a story about this girl, who never neglect her everyday solat. She even at times solat for the Sunat Solats.. But one day, she had big accident and lost her two lower limbs. And she was then found to have brain cancer. She was then treated for her cancer but 'bout her both legs, funny thing she always got trouble for getting the right prosthesis, God knows why she keep on having problem on the presthesises she's been having! And for the cancer, of course... she lost her hair..

She blamed Allah for having all these, she blamed everyone, and so she kept on blaming others. And she even thought there were blackmagic done on her....

Little that she knew, although she has been doing her prayers and all other ibadahs, she seldom covered her aurah, she still went to Disco Clubs. And she still do some other maksiats.. Hypocrit enough?

And so, that wise lady left me and made me to think about the moral of the short story..

Why am I telling u these...

It made me changed...

For once I thought, I can't blame on others for whatever I am/was/will be having, but I must then make a reflection on myself on what have I done in the past.

Rezeki has been very narrow lately... and InsyaAllah... Alhamdulillah it'll change...

Taubat nasuha.. Alhamdulillah..

Down....Under..

2009-08-21T02:52:00.003+08:00

Down.. sad.. not sad.. just down..

Nope I can't share this with anyone. It has been too much lately.

Very sad, knowing the fact that, some... some people... only need you when they think they need you and they'll ditch you when they think.. they found something someone better..

Shared.. but nonetheless.. who cares?

Who are with me when I am fuckin' ly down like this... none... SAD huh? That's how life treating me lately.. I thought.. I have been blessed with GOOD COMPANIONS.. but I was fuckin' wrong!!

Been doing my best to cheer people up, to make others feel better... always~! and I just realised that...Somebody made me to realise that.. and what did I get? Nothing better.... Nothing GOOD...

Beau's off for work again. He's been working hard, to make things better. I jsut don't have the gut to tell these (whatever I am having) to him. I know ... he himself has been in chaotic working life at the moment.

I am gonna have big trouble/problem soon. And hopefully I am gonna handle it on my own. Enough with sharing it with person/people whom I thought I could trust at the first place. Trusting .... is hard for me to do at the moment. Cos I was made a clown before... kinda clown for 'em!

It seems.. everyone are liars at the moment. Hidden agendas! These kinds are that I hate the most since my childhood!!

Being left behind and being the last to know, made I feel that I ain't important to anyone. It hurts a lot. When the fact that these people who left you behind, are the most important people in your life. And these people will only make you the most important person in their life once they are in total fuckin' deeeeeep trouble!

No one can be the BEST listener now... not even close to being GOOD.

Yes! That's how SAD my life now.. ALONE.. EMPTY and DOWN.... SAD!!

Still juggling between work, family and social life.. I am trying my best now. Might leaving all the troubles behind and gonna start a new life. How I wish I can migrate to somewhere right NOW! But that would be veryyy impossible.. knowing I have few so-called BIG responsibilites around. Yeah so-called! 'Cos everyone around me are being the effn' pretenders now.

Pardon me with my cursin' words, cos I just need to let these all out. One of these days... *sigh*

.. lies , hidden agendas , betrayals.. and more.. more than those... It's hurt..!

May Allah repay all your so-called kindness~!

Merry Ramadhan... Forgiveness I seek... from all of you.. especially those who were HURT by whatever the stupid stuffs I have done before..

and so ... that's just it...

Dan Sebenarnya ...

2009-08-20T02:16:00.003+08:00

Dan sebenarnya.... Yuna

oh bulan
ku kan melayan diriku lagi
pabila,
air mata membasahi pipi
dan lagu2 di radio seolah2 memerli aku
pabila,
kau bersama yg lain

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

ku enggan
berpura pura ku bahagia
ku enggan
melihat kau bersama si dia
oh ku akui cemburu
mula menular dalam diri
pabila
kau bersama yang lain

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

pabila kau merenung matanya
ku rebah,
jatuh ke bumi
di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
seperti ku bernafas dalam air

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu kau juga merindui aku
oh....

i love the "selamba-ness" of this song and the straight forward message .. oh nothing to do with my life now heh... i found this song catchy sikit and so I wanna share u this song ;)

i found i have time to blog despite my busy life now. hmmph! there's something i have in my mind now, that im not sure to share it here or not.. as for now, i wanna keep it to myself dulu.. heh..

and suddenly im hooked to the cardigans' lovefool! .... :/

Another pointless rambling

2009-08-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

I MISS HIM.. I miss him more than anything. I had too much lately, too much pressure. The surgery, the work, the friend, the family… and moments like these made me miss him like crazy huhu.. he’s been busy with work and will only be home next week. SAD! Can’t say much to mom, cos for sure she’ll start comparing with some of the religious facts hehe..

Been started to plan on our 2 years coming big plan.. besides the hectic work schedule I managed to go out with yanie, the girlfriend and birin the perasan budd and cabai the crazy joker :P haha , not forgetting, sis mimi, the sweet sis ;) .. thanks ya all

I miss rambling, yack-yacking here, but it’s the precious TIME I always don’t have. Working from 7am – God knows when! The off days has to be well spent with mom and him.. Staying with mom now, since my 1^st day post appendectomy. Moreover that he’s not around, that made me to stay with mom. One of my rooms in the apartment was broke in few days after my appendectomy! Will write about this once I got that precious time J

Till then…

P/s:

Thinking to delete my FB account.. should I?

The Standby Cancelled, BUT..

2009-07-09T23:15:00.003+08:00

But im posted to new area, for a while... I hope...

So yeah I am at the new station now, doing my night duty. Alone and secluded. It's .. ermph .. a secluded area, I can say. Always alone, no matter it's morning, afternoon or night. Doing nothing but waiting the other workers or visitor to come and check their temperature.., give them their sticker then that's it.

No mercy, another term I can say. It's time of the year. That we the frontliners prayed hard that these thing will end up. This H1N1 .. We are now, the army, can we say more? No, or we ended up, zilch! Just do our job accordingly, with or without PPE's (with PPE's preferrably), our lives are at stake. Redha.. that's all I can say. Couldn't say more.....

Some people took this for granted, that we ended up having more and more victims of this flu. And most of our retired seniors came back to work, just to help us out. But still...... *tuuutt*

Tonight is my second night here. Although I prefer my old place, where I will be kept busy for the whole shift, it was busy, tiring but fun. Oh God, take this H1N1 away soon!

For now.. we are the army at the battlefield... Sad but true, some of my colleagues having their own little kids and family, in fact.. they have to work day and night.. non stop.. some.. only have 4-5 hours of sleep (or we call it only NAPPING) .. what more can we do? and more... they will be bringing the germs, bacterias stucked on their uniform, home...

I just read some comments at the local e-newspaper. It was sad.. not harsh, but crushing.. when i read it, it feels like my heart is was being crushed, I feel disappointed and sad for most of my colleagues, they have been exposed, and yet they ended up being shouted, cursed and yet they are still doing their job endlessly and deafened their ears.. I nearly cried when I actually talked to one of my colleague that she was sent to one of the affected place, and was given no PPEs, except gloves and simple surgical mask. Sad.. It is understand-able, that things now are maybe pretty hectic, and the public keep on asking MORE and MORE and want something BETTER and maybe the BEST.

Did the public even think, how on earth we have been working to save some lives?

One of the comments in the e-newspaper, keep on mentioning the safety of their family member, and yet they are still bringing the whole "kampung" to the hospital, although they were already informed, publicly in the radio, tv and posters and pamphlets.. to limit thei visits.. but still, do they listen? read? or even understand what has been told? No! And they ended up cursing, shouting and make some pretty un-educated and immature comments all over! SAD! very upset-ting scenario!

We don't want anything but some appreciation and understanding. We can work together to reduce this, and leave all the negative thoughts aside. Kata orang, cakap gunakan otak bukan perasaan. Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa..

And so.. yes I am emotional.... Cos our lives are now at stake..!

Totally Stucked With Work.

2009-06-30T21:59:00.003+08:00

I am now stucked, for sure. Will be on standby for at least 12 hours starting by the second week of July. Honestly, I have not sit and eat and laugh and talk, decently with beau and mom lately..

Since april, I was pretty jammed with my duties and all, books are always waiting once I got from work. On my day offs, it's the house chores. Uwaaaa.... I am an one of those anti-social now! Too bad...!!! No-Life..? Paranoid kah aku?

Pfft, that phrase still stucked! Gedemit~! okay chill girl..... *grins*

I am as crazy as hell now, hehe too much work, mentally and physically exhausted. can't think more than, WORK, never ate at home but at WORK, been revising at WORK, baik jua nda tidur and mandi at WORK. Yes I never slept at work, eventhough I was doing my night duty. And I'm still in love with someone not at my workplace kekeke...

Been here and there, only managed to have quality time with beau, earlier this month for his birthday. and apart from that, me? work, work and work.

Nah im just rambling shits here.. im outta idea.. I just need to type out something. Bs-ing.. is all i can think of now.

Afterall... I am in love again and again... Hence the previous post ;)

Love muh giant always :P~

Book of Love - Peter Gabriel

2009-06-28T16:58:00.000+08:00

The book of love is long and boring

No one can lift the damn thing

It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing

But I

I love it when you read to me

And you

You can read me anything

The book of love has music in it

In fact that's where music comes from

Some of it is just transcendental

Some of it is just really dumb

But I

I love it when you sing to me

And you

You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring

And written very long ago

It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes

And things we're all too young to know

But I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

And I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

And I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

On and Off

2009-06-24T04:31:00.002+08:00

On and off blogging.. been busy with reality, work and family. Renovating my room and surveying stuffs for the room, and now.. busy with work.. the H1N1 does change my daily routine and it's tiring indeed. I only able to update my twitter and facebook. Gonna share you my new room once I got settled down, hopefully things will turn just fine soon, cos life has been totally hectic for these past 2-3 months.

Oh well.. can't say much at the moment, I am now at work updating this blog, just realised that it has been abandoned for 3 months already? Last updated was about my two babies.. and yess they're getting chubbier day by day and NAUGHTIER! Especially Bengo Jr.

Gotta run some errands now, still wide awake at 4:30am in Brunei :) ..

Loving my career.. Don't You? (Eventhough it's killing (literally and technically) at times!

Cheerio..

My two Babies ..

2009-03-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

My Vacation

2009-03-09T23:29:00.001+08:00

Just sharing some thoughts.

2009-02-28T01:03:00.004+08:00

Back during my childhood days, things were different. My parents were very strict back then. Malay cultures were so at it, although my late father was trying to be a bit modern with me and my other siblings. Not with my mom, she's the most strict of all.

At the age of 2 I'd always went out with father, whereever he went to. I joined him at the football field, well at least I'd sit beside the "tiang gol" and played with my own ball. Or I went to my grandpa's buffalo farm and helped out my father (yeah more to trouble-ing him around) took gallons of water from the well or tank to the buffalo's "hut" for them to drink. All these made my mom at times jealous and scolded me for being "ekor" to my father. He was such a loving person that although he scolded me and made me cried he would hug me, and there were times that I cried until I slept. (Even during my teenager)

First day at school, father sent me to class and mom would only picked me up at the noon. Father was back then worked in Mulaut Abbattoir (sp), when it was still owned by the Government. When father arrived from work, I was the happiest person on earth. I was so close with my father, very close, and I knew most of his hobbies and activities at leisure.

Although so, he never spoilt me. Some people may thought, being the daddy's girl will became a spoilt-brat or something like that. Not me. With mom's "strict-ness" at times, father won't let her girl get scolded. Before, we were scolded with belt or even hangers, nowadays, if you do that, you could get convicted to a household crime. But although I was then being bit/scolded, I was still close with father. I would asked mother, where father went to, if I couldn't find him around.

Kids nowadays, they can go to their neighbour's house and play around, but during my time, my parents wouldn't let me to go to our neighbour's house, although they were infact my cousins. They preferred me to stay at home and study. Honestly I only gained the "independence" during my college years, by staying at the hostel, I could always went out with all my friends and even boyfriend, because, my parents wouldn't know. Well tell me, who wouldn't do this?

I have been staying over my mother's home now for almost two months, that I shared so many sweet and bad moments with my mother and I have been observing how things go around. Back then when I was at the age of my other siblings, I couldn't even have a $10 note in my purse. And now.. they have their own allowance every month!! My father would never gave me any notes, unless for belanja sekolah ;) which was $1 or if I was lucky.. $5 .. (but no money for the whole week after that.. if you know what I meant)

But still, some of these teenagers nowadays, can't be so thankful that they ended up enjoying their so-called allowance buying stuffs like shoes, bags even worst.. They got themselves designer's stuff, for example, chanels bags, prada shoes etc. Back then, when I badly wanted a pair of new shoes, my mother would asked me to wear my shoes until I couldn't even wear it. Believe me, I still remember that my school shoes were totally worn down, that the leather skin peeled off and the front part of the shoes were torn that some of classmate would laugh at it. Then I could get a new Dr Marten shoes... (only after I sulked for not eating). I remember during my college years, it was my first year, that most of my colleagues had their first LAPTOPS, as we will be having lots of assignments which required us to typed it, furthermore, we would have lots of presentations. I asked from my father to buy one. But all father told me was, to use my snail-speed old personal computer at home. In the second year, I ended up buying one, well those days, we hire-purchased it. I did all by myself, I only asked my father to be my guarantor. Unlike these days, my mother wouldn't let my siblings to hire-purchased their laptops but she bought it cash for them, aren't they lucky? And I had it in a hard way :)

But nowadays, when you asked for it, the parents, will say yes and give you the cash. And still, did they thankful enough?

During my college years, I could only fly to Perth (it was educational trip) after being sponsored by mother. Well she sponsored me, because she didn't want me to stay here in Brunei while they were in KL, because she was afraid that I would up to no good. (well I was a bit naughty those days). I had my own savings, that I spent it there but not too much. Otherwise, she won't let me to fly or travel anywhere, (even to Miri or Limbang), although I said that I would use my own saving and etc.

Compared to now, my siblings would fly and travel as they wish, and my mother will just let them go. (although she did ask me to "ESCORT" them) At the end of the day, my mother will start worrying and "yak-ing" all day long TO ME! Nope, I am posting these, not because I am envy of their modern life or nothing. But I am far more grateful that my parents were strict to me, that I learned a lot from from them. And far more better, I am not spoilt with CASH.

I spent a lot of time with mother nowadays, eversince I started working. I tend to know lots of things from my mother, that we shared lots of things especially the KIDS (siblings) problems. There had been lots of things that mother has kept inside her mind. And I am at her place, I would explode and I might hit someone. (I am the tempered one) Being the eldest and the first one graduated that is. I have never been so close to my mother when my father was still around.

When my father left us, mother was a bit lost, but she turned out to be a very strong person, that I have ever known in this world. She turned to be a different person. Since then, she never scolded my sisters and brother, especially during their exams season. Not like my days, everytime the exam seasons came, she would push me to study and will scolded me for every single thing (even for the cup or glass or spoon that I accidentally dropped). Lately her patience showed. I have this moody attitude when I got tired or not enough sleep, but mother was the only person could stand it. If I do this before, she would eat me up.. HIDUP2!!

Why am I posting this? I am just sharing my childhood and comparing to now modern life. I could have whatever I wanted those days, I could say, my father could afford most of it, but, he never spoilt me, Thank GOD. I have to worked hard to have new shoes, new bags and a LAPTOP. Being scolded was like a daily living to me those days, and now? My siblings (except my brother, he had what I had before hehe..) should be thankful of what they have now. And my expectations from are more than what I've got, academic wise. I never had enjoyful life during my school and college days. To go to a theme park pun I have to pujuk father or wait until my cousin to bring me. Those days, we don't have MALL, or YAYASAN.. or COFFEE BEAN.. :) but at least we had a free theme park.. Jerudong Park .. that's where the teenagers during my days, DATES.. and having our hang outs. As for me, my parents would always escort me :) Druing my college days, I would only went out with my boyfriend if i was staying at the hostel. But now, my mom was not as fierced as before, that she accepted it if my siblings are in-love or dating.

One day I know, I will be having my own kids, and I will bring them up as how my parents' had brought me up. Even now, I am trying my best to live at modesty because I learned a lot from my mother. She was only a clerk, and trust me, she never had any credit cards or even bank loan, and yet she could afford a Prada or Chanel bag, if she wants to ;) and yet she spent it wisely.

The Result of Being .. Not Yet Gone To Sleep

2009-02-13T04:24:00.003+08:00

I stumbled upon my primary school's blog! haha Honestly, I never knew that it exist! The school is only few minutes walk from my house ..! I'll be sharing some pictures during my days at that school later. And some more.. mannnnnnnnnn it change a lot! (of course lah ah.. its been 14 years since I left the school.. aiyoo~ hehe)

Friendship...

2009-02-12T08:19:00.005+08:00

This pictures I just received via email early this morning from a sweet friend..

The Golden Age Pictures

2009-02-07T16:36:00.007+08:00

Well this pictures I found masa meruah gambar banjir dulu-dulu... so I found all these.. Semua gambar-gambar ani collection my momma, gambar my cousin, uncles and aunties kawin hehe..

i think this was membuka hadiah punya session, yang kawin was my cousin, yang bepacar atu lah :) ... the boy yang bepangku arah mama nya tuh, just got married last sunday ;) .. I wasn't born yet at this time, look at my mom, sebalah kiri my auntie (yg memangku the boy) masih bujang tu hehehe

Thats my cousin yg tengah2 pakai kacamata, and bepacar.. hehe and sebalah kiri mama (my mom yg pakai tudong/selendang) is my cousin, and the others are aunties ;)

Ani ermph not sure sapa yang kawin, but for sure, all those who were standing atu, sampai ani rapat, hahaha Gang Muslimah masjid, and pangkat aunties tu.

Ani I have no idea sapa yang kawin, haha, isuktah tanya mommy.

This one, yang kahwin was my cousin, kira anak buah my mother lah.

Ani yang kawin I have no idea sapa, both guys atu my cousins, the three ladies sitting, are (from left) Mommy, Aunty Misah and Cousin Minah. And again, I wasn't born yet.. Mom was still bujang..

And again, I have no idea sapa kawin..

I know this one pangkat "aunty" ni yang kawin, hehe.. That's how the traditional costume looked like at those days, the "ayam-ayam" nda berapa nampak..

Ani yang kawin nada sini lol. As you can see, I was there very the belabih one sitting there beside my aunty. At the very front was mommy, the one yang pakai baju maroon, was my cousin, the elder sister of the pengantin, and at that time she wasn't married yet. Sitting on the chair, blue baju kurung was my aunty, my mommy's eldest sister, and yang sebalahnya... I'll get back to it tomorrow haha. The girl behind me, was my cousin, she got married last June. And the cute girl with rambut kerinting.. my sister lah sapa lagi

This one, not very latest, I think this was 5-6 years ago kali. Moi.. nada dalam ani jangantah di unjar haha..
This one? Taken June 2008, yang kawin ani, the one that I have just mentioned di atas, hehe time flies by.. semua basar udah.. To YG .. all these are my first cousin (which make as your second cousins) and my nieces yg dua orang di depan nda betudong. And the rest are my aunties, adik beradik my mother ;)

Sekian untuk kenangan semua *cheers*

Down Memory Lane ... Banjir in the 1980's and 1990's

2009-02-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

For introduction.. Iatah tu basin pakai kami "bekayuh" dulu2~ haha

The above picture.. Babah tulis di belakangnya (July 19 1984) Ertinya umurku baru ermph 8 bulan hehe.. Both of these cars, masih ada until now..

Also this pic, on the same day, the guy is my uncle and yg bini2 tu my cousin :)

Babah was about to go for work.. paksa pakai seluar dalam kereta I guess..

My sister was around 4 years old masa ani..

This one? Still 5-6 years old I guess because alum ia makai kacamata.. hehe

I am still alive and missing beau~~ huhuhu

2009-02-06T22:43:00.006+08:00

Waaa... lama not blogging. Where have I been? No where, I am still around, I was just lazy. Got lotsa things in my mind to blog about.. tapi yelah, last month, I had 2 weeks of, demam and diarrhea.. and then got few issues at work.. nasib badan.

Last month, the weather started to be so bad and all, and so now I'm at mommy's place most of the time, kesian mommy tinggal sama amah di rumah. Banjir? Yeah... on and off, cos di kampung ani andang prone to banjir jua. If kan jalan kerja, I have to rempuh at least 3 places yg banjir, and so my car will be swimming laahh.. It has been very very bad weather, landslides here and there. But according to my aunty, dulu when one of my late uncle kawin, it was like this, very bad weather, banjir sampai ke dada. That was 1970's in Tanjong Maya and Lamunin. Even worst, dulu orang bepadi (sawah) were still banyak, and yeah, you can imagine, lintah banyak (leeches) ewwww :P

It reminds me of during my childhood, whenever it was banjir, I got so excited! So I could swim around (as if I could swim those time!), iski main air sebenarnya hehe. During the schooldays, babah would carry me, and the stubborn me, walaupun kena kipak or sikut, I would try my best to mess with the water with my legs.. those days!! And during those banjir time, we would see small thin skinny snakes swim around, and ran for our life. The most funny thing I remember, me and my sis would ask dad to give us this big basin which fitted both of us, and bekayuh tah kami dua tu... but... actually babah pushed us, we were only eksen2 bekayuh saja hahaha... owhh memories!!

Those days we were still staying with my uncle. When we moved out to our new home, there's no banjir anymore. Things were getting better, better drainage and sewerage (sp) system. But lately, either, the drainage are getting blocked or it rains too heavy.. that the banjir gets worst. You can see how it was yesterday in www.bruneimotors.com, that they recorded a video of banjir at our mosque area, not far from my place (mommy's home). See how I cannot leave mommy at this time.

Well enough said about the banjir. Most of bruneian blogs are talking about it now, even in the Facebook. The first worst banjir this year, on the 21st January 2009, that it made major blackouts also. 12 hours of no electricity!! Baik jua the weather was cold hehe nda jua kusut pasal kepanasan apa .. phew~ I remember that night, me and mommy was ready to watch Obama's inauguration.. alum apa-apa... nah tutup tia karan ah.... and so wat I did? with my candle, I was still reading my novel for the antah ke berapa kali udah... "Ayat-ayat Cinta" .. I'm gonna blog about it maybe on Sunday or Monday.. InsyaAllah.. and Hopefully!! On and off, I switch on the lappy and went online, chit-chatting with beau. I think early in the morning around 8am until 11am (until the karan buka) service DST and Bmobile pun nada... nangis bui!! hahaha

Anyhoo.. there'll be lots of things to say, but I'll blog bout it later on.. Pasal ngalih udah ku typing and memarah otak :P~

Here are some pictures of banjir... but this banjir was in October I think.. samalah ni usulnya banjir last week. Especially tu YG ... welcome back to kampong :P here are some pics.. some more will be uploaded tomorrow .. heeeeeee

dapan rumah

simpang masuk rumah

I was bored... the Kaya tin...

playing around with the finepix

Nearly to perfect...!!

Selamat Tahun Baru Hijrah 1430

2009-01-03T22:51:00.002+08:00

Happy New Hijrah Year 1430,

And here I am, Alhamdulillah (Praise to Allah), that I can still meet and see the another year..

Alhamdulillah, that HE let me to see..

My other siblings stepped into another new level of their studies.

Alhamdulillah, that HE gives me chances to spread my love and support and endless effort to my family and beloved one, just to see them and let them live in bliss.

And again here I am, the same old me..

being the most loyal companion of the beloved ones.

Being the one who always tried to change and yet fails at times.

Being self-motivated and loved challenges and yet..

Being the most lazy potato couch lady "at times" :)

Selamat Tahun Baru Hijrah kepada semua saudara Islam ku..

Cubalah berhijrah setiap hari dan lawan apa saja halangannya,

Seperti di zaman Rasulullah (s.a.w)...

Walaupun tidak sesempurna nya.. Tidak salah rasanya di cuba..

Di Dunia yang segalanya POSSIBLE ..

Kita pasti BOLEH

Assalamualaikum..

p/s: the 2009 new year.. we don't celebrate.. mama ku marah hehe *kiddin'*

Rambut Hitam Matanya Galak

2008-12-22T19:38:00.004+08:00

Tapi mata aku sepet! LOL ...!! Ermph trying out to make my mata look "galak" - beguiling eyes! .. Haha NOT! I think better don't. I'll ended up looking like one of those big mama panda.. ehehehe.. There merepek again!

Here goes.. one of my favourite song.. Rambut Hitam Matanya Galak.. originally sang by the Dutch-Born Indonesian Singer.. Anneke Geronloh (sp) .. and then again sang by Sean Ghazi.. It's my favourite music... Blues Jazz... and again Broadway.. and again JAzz.. and again Blues.. and again ive merepek-ed enough...

You can download the mp3 from 4shared.com .. I can only share the lyrics here hehe..

Cheers.. and HAPPY HOLIDAY~ HoHoHoHohohohooo~~

Sekarang kita duduk beramai
Besok, lusa duduk sendiri
Biar sayangku jauh di mata
Saya ingat sehari-hari
Biar sayangku jauh di mata
Saya ingat sehari-hari

Ku termenung, di pinggir kali
Ku lihat lintah turun ke kali
Dari mana datanglah cinta?
Dari mata turun ke hati
Dari mana datanglah cinta?
Dari mata turun ke hati

Api besar di Gunung Salak
Gadis manis di dalam negeri
Rambut hitam, matanya galak
Oh itu saya nak cari
Rambut hitam, matanya galak
Ya itu saya nak cari
Rambut hitam, matanya galak!

BLACK HAIR, BEGUILING EYES

Now we are together
Tomorrow, day after - alone
Though my love is far from sight
I think of her everyday
Though my love is far from sight
I think of her everyday!

I was day -dreaming by the river’s edge
And I saw leeches drawn to the water
Oh where does love come from?
From the eye drawn to the heart
So where does love come from?
From the eyes drawn to the heart!

A raging fire on Mount Salak
The sweetest maiden in the country
Black hair, beguiling eyes
She’s the one I seek
Black hair, beguiling eyes,
She’s the one I seek.

Music and lyrics: Copyright controlled
Originally recorded by Anneke Gronloh
Lyrics modified by Izlyn Ramli
Arranged by George Brodbeck

Dutch-Indonesian singer Anneke Gronloh was a hit in the 50s and 60s with her quirky big-band inspired songs. She still performs in Holland and has many recordings to her name. It was hard to pick just one of her songs and we’ve taken some liberty with the lyrics to suit a guy’s point of view. By the way, unbelievably in this day and age, we were unable to track down the original composer and lyricist. If anyone can help us out, please let us know!

(Copied from www.seanghazi.com)

Some Jokes....

2008-12-19T22:36:00.001+08:00

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

*** Thid particular joke won the best joke award in Britain ***

Enjoy your weekend folks~ *winks* ....

Merepek

2008-12-19T00:27:00.002+08:00

Scene 1:

My Best Buddy : Bahapa ko ke limbang ni?

My Beau : cari viagra...!

My Beau senyum2 kambing... My best buddy, layan nya jua.

Terjumpa lagi...

My Best Buddy : adatah kamu jumpa viagra?

My Beau : nada plang ada... gambir ada ni..!!

My beau mcm biasa.. tetap cool.. My best buddy pun 2 kali lima tah jua... melayan!!

Mengapalah hidupku d kelilingi lelaki yg teramat sihat ini ...

Scene 2:

My Aunty : lai.. adi mu kan membali kereta..

Me : eh jangantah dulu... aku dulu belajar, nda jua kana balikan kereta... bejalan batis jua ku kalau attachment apa.. (bukan jealous.. tapi kan menyuruh rasa susah..)

Me : Ma.. "adiku" kan membali kereta..

Mom : awu katanya kan pindah hostel.. jauh ia kan ke library katanya

Me : aku dulu jalan batis jua dari hostel ke hospital... mana ada kana balikan kereta..

Mom : hmmmm.... suruh ia pakai kereta mu.. biar ia membayar bulan.. kau bali kereta baru saja kali..

Me : jangan luan d dulur eh.. bukan ku nda mau bali kereta baru.. kan bejimat, kan buat rumah!

2 days after that, me and mom saw Mazda CX9 ... and so I fell in love with that car..

Me : Love.. kalau "adiku" majal jua kan bekereta, I'll just buy the Mazda CX9 ah.. macam Lexus RX350.. lawa! and more powerful~

My Beau : eh.. bukannya pasal kau kan gaji bulan kan? kau iski bekereta baru ani... Jangan dangar godaan iblis....

Banar jua... hasutan bisikan iblis :) .. baik jua ada yang menagur.. Syukur Alhamdulillah..

Although so, I keep on google-ing Mazda CX9 lately! haha But no worries.. I won't buy it anyhoo.. TAHAN IMAN!!! kan buat rumah lagi! hahahaha RIGHT~!!!

Happy Birthday

2008-12-16T00:00:00.001+08:00

It's the birthday of my most beloved ladies in my life....

Mommy

Girlfriends : Bebeh MN and Nonoy Masri

May Allah bless you ladies..

Mommy : Enjoy the retirement :) mwahs love mama lots, (paham pun ia nda ni bahasa inggeris ani hehehe) Mudahan d murah kan lagi rezeki dan d panjang lagi umur..

Bebeh MN : Good Luck with your exams, let go off what you can't even keep, be stronger each day, and most of all.. always remember there's always people who loves you.. people around you are "berlumba-lumba" to love and have you... *winks* Most of all, I'll always love you through the ups and downs (although sometimes membari gigitan haha) ..

Nonoy Masri : You're such an angel babe, your patience, your courage, and your warm hug during my bad days always gave me more strength. Mommy-to-be you are now, take care of yourself and also your little one .. May Allah will always bless you.. 'cos your sincerity does motivate some people and friends like me :)

Mommy's and Brother's Birthday BBQ

2008-12-15T21:16:00.008+08:00

Lain yang birthday lain yang iski lol.

The Email I received...

2008-12-15T10:08:00.003+08:00

And I found it funny yet true I guess? Hahaha.. Let's just say, not all these facts are mainly for Bruneian saja. It reminds me of my non-Bruneian buddy, and I can see ada persamaan lah jua. Haha by the way, i'll just post the facts of bruneian love life here.. to whom who create this, pintar tah banar haha, it reminds me of those old days, where kan ke jamban pun mesti d laporkan haha and mun kan bejalan sama indung pun ada ia bepasan "bah bisai2 ah..." . As if tah indung atu kan mengapa2kan hahaha

But then again, I can still see these phenomenon around me, my friends, siblings who are in love, and honestly, bukan saja amongst youngsters ni, it does happen among the adults.. yang bescandal, kawin or adults yang barukan becinta :) .. And I just saw a couple swearing in the car and unluckily me and hubby beau had to see and hear them swearing to each other, then suddenly one of them stepped out of the car, at the traffic light junction.. and we have seen this happened somewhere in the "orang putih" country also :)

These facts I believe was copied from a blog, which I'm not sure whose blog, but if the person who own the blog, happens to read this, minta maaf ah, I received this from someone's who forwarded this to me in e-mail form :) ... Just want to share this with my non-Bruneian buddy, and yes some of them can understand malay.

1. King & Queen control, semua tah kan di control nya. baiktah bali kan kereta control. kan control pun sadang2 la.

2. Ice queen ( ego?) klayi bukan tah kan ngakun salahnya walaupun ya salah.

3. No chemistry. inda sefahaman. surang mau ice cream, surang mau chocolate. apakan?

4. Selingkuh? HAHAHAHAHAHA. ketahuannn!!! ani yang paling babi sekali la.

5. No freedom.semua inda buleh, tepaksa tapok2.. sabar sha.

6. Partner gauk2 tawa2 kan be cali kana signal2. kana cakapi "Bisai2 deh ulah atu!" aww sandi.

7. Permission, apa saja mesti tanya. parents nda lagi tanggung tu. bf / gf lah tanggung! haha.

8. Jalan kadai pakai baju sama jenis, sama kaler.

9. Masalah damit jadi masalah basar. macam kan durang klayi pasal tayi wah, sampai esuk2 nda betagur.

10. Ani nda semua la, Penjeles kan mati. senyum arah kawan pun inda buleh. kana tantang tarus!

11. Makan kalau sama sama paksa control, ilang skill kampung. hehehe. Ada jua yg beshare tu makan. Partnernya nda sadar tu yg partnernya sorg tu nda barus gigi apa sal gagas ngaga ia.

12. Online sampai subuh abis tu tebalik2 I love you, I miss you. mwahs.

13. When credit abis kana marah, ada tia yg cakap.. "kenapakan abis credit ah be msg sama urang lain kah?"

14. Mengusut kan mati. barang damit pun kan di kusut kan.. air liur kucing melakat arah baju pun kan menangis.

15. Sweet talker. cakap Together Forever la, janji itu ini.. baru cium bau kantut mental sudah!

16. Couple mesti ~~kissing~~. HAHAHAHAHA. ada bonus. nada yang nda ~~kissing~~, nda ku caya tu. Kiss tgn pipi apa, KISS jua namanya.

17. Mula mula pigang tangan ni, lama lama pigang kepala.... tuhut. Mula2 lambai lama2 bagi ~~fuck~~ .. sama la~

18. Kalau kelayi nda teriak2 nda sah! te sumpah sumpah. words ~~BUDUH~~ kuar.

19. Inda cukup sorang. mau jua ada spare.handal.

20. Kanapatan! kan menipu tapi inda handal.IQ RANDAH..HAHA. bida ehh! BOOO!!!

21. Klayi dalam keta, drive laju2. mesti di takan minyak tu! Pastu break ngajut. Plancit air liur rah cramin dapan. Cian.sawan tia bnr.

22. SARCASTIC. hehe. ada saja kan kana sindir. sabar sha laaa!

23. Inda iklas melayan pasal hari hari jumpa. Baus bah mliat dh. Mkin panjang bulu idung.

24. Handphone 24hrs di tangan. Mcm kwnku tym main bula pun pigang hp bmsn sma gfnya.handal.alum pernah hpnya gugur.main street dh tu.handal~~

25. Tukar2 line, tukar2 handphone, email swap. Rasa bah kn liat mncek sapa dangan bf/gf kuntek.Partner mana tau..mcm msn ada yg spare lagii~

26. LOVE =! CURANG

27. Need time 4 privacy (alasan untuk putus) ada lagi reason yang paling LAME BRABIS.
need space, kan belajar dulu. hahaha.

28. Partner nya msg sama urang lain bukan BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND buat "i miss you more than words?" hahaha. ani termasuk dalam golongan curang jua kali.. heh.

29. Inda kana bagi jadi kemarahan. WAHAHAHAA!! Selalu ni.kalau pgi2 urg masam2 muka apa grenti pasal smalam tu.assume sja..paham2 la.for fun sarapan pgi.AHAHAHA.

30. Baru 2-3 bulan together buring sudah. mau lagi yang baru. kanyang lari.

31. Kalau di tanya "handsome ka ku ni yang?" gf jawab " handsomeee ehh!! Bnr!!" tapi dalam hati (bulu idung nya tekeluar ah.)

32. Awal awal pemalu.. lama lama nda tau malu..

33. Main transfer credit.ada gi pandai bunga bunga cakap “cr me low ni..kapih lagi so masani save2 dulu bmsg” pastu ada tia kana forward kn..hahaha

34. Pengikis! hint ckp baju lawa tia, sampai partner ckp "bahh esuk balikan"

35. Couple mesti liat muvee di cinema. baru romantic ~

36. Anniversary celebrate tiap bulan. abis duit. .haha.

37. Dulu2 nda jumpa sehari kan mati rasanya, masani dh jumpa kan mati plg rasanya.

38. Awal2 mau pujuk, batah2 malas tia kan pujuk. pebaik ia menangis smpai ingus nya di lantai..

39. LELAKI, kalau ada game, bula, kereta, makanan.gitar. jadi GF pertama drg tia. Nda tia drg pedulikan gfnya.ada tia bealasan.dluar ku tdi.

40. BINI2, kalau meliat ceta KOREA handsome2 angau2 , mcm ~~BOUTA~~ sul drg. bf nda telayan.sanggup tu bjaga abiskn 2pack CD aa.alasan tdo..AHHAHAHAHA.lagi tia.

41. ~~(18PL.didelete..hahaha)~~

42. Bejalan kajap ke kadai kaling pun mesti miskol pakai loudspeaker.

43. Kalau nda kana balas miskol kana msg "behapa tu?" kana balas lagi "beria ku tdi" dahto kana tanya lagi "banar kan tu?" membari malas. hahaha.

44. Takut gf/bf inda kana suruh jalan bagi alasan TIDUR padahal bejaur. erm. Ada ni tau ku jua.

45. Partner kana balikan brg, inda pandai besyukur. mau jua yg mahal. branded. eh kira pengikis la jua..

46. Lelaki nda dapat liat bini2 hot. mcm ~~bayi~~ tia usul drg. mun lapar baik asak semua.

47. Bini2 kalau liat bf nya liat bini2 lain kana cubit. Kana tantang lgitu sampai2 ingus bah kuar!

48. Minta ambil, akhir sikit jadi kemarahan. mau jua on time.bini2 ni biasa camni.drg aa nda sadar mun besiap aa kan mati batahnya.laki2 harum2 nunggu smpai kuar bah bau ketiak drg nunggu.

49. Kalau be SMS, ujung2 nya mesti ada words "luv u. mwahs" its a MUST.

50. Friendster, facebook mesti ada gambar berdua.

51. MSN mesti nick nya jiwang2 example : zee’s, zees’s properties.kalau nda pun ada tia nicknya drg buat bad mood la..i don’t trust u la..atu something bekenaan love life drg la tu..

52. Selalu bagi lagu macam "eh lagu ani untuk you ni dangar ahhh"

53. Bila ada urang lain.. minta putus, bila sudah putus menyasal tia kan go back. ~~buduh!~~

54. Abis klayi tamparan muka. abistu ambil uleh arah urang lain. Mulut bauu.makan sampah kah kau kelmarin?hoho

55. Jumpa kawan lama buat inda kenal, kana ucap buang batu la itu ini. pasal takut kana marah. ciannn..

56. Kalau miskol kana reject kana ucap sma urang lain tym atu. hahaha.

57. Da problem sikit2 minta putus.rasa bah..kes baus dah ni..

58. Sanggup online 247 tunggu partner nya online....

59. Kadang2 ada yg tipu parents rasa kn bejumpa, escape sekulah. (kalau parents alom approve) biasanya bini2 illegal ni camni.illegal means below 18.haha.

Addicted..

2008-11-26T02:56:00.003+08:00

Can't help it! I'm addicted to read on the blog that I just found.. haha help me!! Beloved beau keep on looking at my lappy before I went for my graveshift just now. Well he admitted it he loved to read it as well.. Hehehe

Im doing my graveshift at the moment, on receiving itself I was busy, got an admission from the my previous ward, well can't say much, he's far more stable than when he just arrived, he's not even intubated which is good :)

Anyhoo, talking bout the blog I am reading at the moment, maaannnn, he sounds like me and my beau when we were not yet tied up before.. lol. We were commitment phobic and everything, although at the end, after persuasion from the parents we have to tie up anyway. It's just our culture and religion and we need to obey those anyway.

Oh its another 3 hours to go to finish this shift, can't wait~ Need to send beau to airport later on.. huhu awwww.. nevermind, buddies are still around hehe I mean.. single buddies! :P~ Married buddies I have to say No-No .. Can't mingle around with those who're tied up, especially those who have.. not-so understanding partners :D ... I had too many complicated issues before with my best buddy and his wifey. Honestly I aint that girlie type who mingled around with girls, chit-chatting bout their life with boyfies or new dresses and make-ups..

Well I wear make-ups sometimes hehehe, it's just I aint the type that loves to compare and updates with girls and all :) hhehe

ermmphh I've merepek enough here.. (on and off doing the hourly observation and all) .. I need to be away for a while.. while waiting for my shift ends ehehe.. need to see my beau before he leave later on .. ciao~

That Blog I Stumbled Upon.

2008-11-25T17:12:00.004+08:00

(it's only for viewing purpose.. thank u..)

It's my night shift today, and the whole day, it has been gloomy.. turned out to be rainy day.. and -what not? Sleeping whole day long, I went back home late last night, lepak-ing with old buddies and my beau.. chit-chatting about our pasts. Oh me gonna mish my beau~ huuhhuhu another month, without him soon :(

Anyhoo, been blog-hopping eversince, my eyes has been wide awake, (yesssss balum mandi yet :P) and stumbled upon this one blog (couldn't mention the url here) which, the description and his self-claimed status.. sounds like my beau.. only that he's actually from Singapore.

Love guys with their ego still intact, and yet they know how to control their ego, when, where and how to apply it. And that's how I describe my beau. Open minded and yet he's still a MANLY MAN :) if u get what I meant there (not that pampering and spoiling type) I can do things I desire and so does he .. fair and square .. we are free although we're "tied up".

Stop talking 'bout my beau, he hates it when I mentioned him in this blog hehe sorry boss! :P Talking about that blog, I love the way he describes his ladies the brief details.. and how he has time for blogging despite of the busy life he has (sounds like though). I know, I have been there before for educational purpose for few while.. gosh I was busy "zouk-ing" around at night.. few hours of sleeping and a long day of lectures and meetings during the day.. hehe.. oh well.. life goes on..

Ok enough for me mumbling and merepek around here :) need to press my uniforms while I have some free time.. and need to get the dinner ready for my beau.. the hungry beast :P *kwang kwang*..

Cruisin'

2008-11-23T21:18:00.005+08:00

My Beau and his snout... while cruisin'

Spent the weekend cruisin' down to Muara and Serasa beach, and we stopped by at Tungku Beach, took some pics and picked up some seashells. Me and Mr Z actually planned to have a picnic and to make some sandcastles and all, but I was too lazy to cook and prepare food, so we ended up cruising hehe..

Those seashells I picked ended up in my showerroom ahaks.. Well, I think I need to buy some stuffs to match the seashells in the glass where I put 'em. Moreover, it's only my common showerroom left to be decorated at my place.. others.. are well presented.

Honestly I ain't much that decorator person myself. If I am left all pat, I'll ended up being one. So, after cruisin' along, went back home straight and had our dinner.. and so now I'm typing while watching the CSI marathon on AXN .. ;)

U can see my rusty pot rack there ahaks...

I love roses ;)

When people are enjoying the weekend..

2008-11-15T21:11:00.005+08:00

And I'm stucked at home, watching TV and indulging myself with my mom's chocolate chips muffin hehe.

I was listening to KRISTALFM while typing this, they're having some sort of carnival I heard, and I just checked my sister's blog, that she went to the carnival yesterday and TODAY, cos VJ Uut is around.. yeah right.. haha awudeh handsome jua banar.. that's my sister haha.. vainnier than ever, always being a poser! Ahaks.. jgn marah dang ;) Love ya always.. next week I'll belanja you jalan2 makan angin ke Limbang orites? hehehe

Anyhoo, can't say much about my weekend.. I got lotsa things to follow up, just got shifted to new unit, which I have been waiting for *ahaks*, if it's not permanent, at least I have been there and had the experience.. nya orang Brunei, asal saja menjamah, takut kempunan. But I'm praying hard.. working hard for something better.... AMIN

This is not the real Brunei ICU.. i just got it from google images. I'm just giving u an idea, of my new work place hehe.. ;) cheers.. and I Love it~

Another

2008-11-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

One year, wiser, crazier, sexier, maturer (hopefully), naughtier.. older :) It's my 25th birthday today, and I just got one of the best present... BEING TRANSFERED! hahaha.. I need a new environment, new place.... and so the GOD granted my wish *winks* .. Alhamdulillah.

And so, Im having my day off today and tomorrow, and I wanna be with my loved ones, mom and Mr Z and of course my crazy sisters and innocent brother.. hehe.. Oh I love 'em ;)

Our Cute Baby Shafi'ee

2008-10-23T18:56:00.006+08:00

There he is with his nenek.. our mommy lah hehe

Baby Shafi'ee

Only get to see him last weekend, the mother (my sis) is having her attachment for her phD here in Brunei for a year, and they just got back from the states visiting his daddy there doing his masters. Hehe.. look at mom, so excited to see her cucu.. awww~ One day mom.. One day... *ahaks*

Raya To KayBee .. Meeting my NEW FOUND cousin.. hehe

2008-10-19T22:56:00.004+08:00

Was been blog-hopping to this particular person, since I was actually interested with his few postings. And he is happened to be, my second cousin. Got to know him few days before, and last weekend he invited me over to his open house. (Nice house aye?) He's such a nice guy, and he brought us for tour, around his "gallery" hehe.. (macam museum ada jua :P)

These are some pictures, me and my sis took, at Your Greatness mansion~

Tangan atu andang selalu menyampuk

Welcome to the Gallery...

Museum.. :P

The Custom Made bed ... ahaks...

Wanna know him more? Spare your time to visit him http://iskandarworld.blogspot.com.

Wanita - Dato' Siti Nurhaliza

2008-10-19T01:01:00.003+08:00

Stumbled upon this song, I believed it has been a year or two in the market, but as usual, Im always ketinggalan.. ahaks. Wanita yang rapuh hati nya... somehow, ada jua kebenarannya. (Eseh jiwang moment here.. hehe)

Wanita - Dato' Siti Nurhaliza

Aku wanita punya hati nurani

Yang tak dapat dibohongi

Pabila cinta telah membutakan mata

Dan membuat tuli telinga

Apakah salah jika aku menyinta

Apakah salah jika engkau ternyata

Pilihan hati belahan jiwaku ini

Cintaku ini anugerah terindah

Dari yang Maha Kuasa

Cintaku padamu tak pernah berubah

Meskipun kita berbeza

Aku wanita aku kaum hawa

Yang memang rapuh hatinya

Aku wanita aku punya cinta

Selayaknya manusia

Satu yang ku mahu

Ku wanita...

Yang hanya perlu kau fahami

Our Raya

2008-10-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

INTRO

DE' AYAM

look at HIS pose

And again... (majal ni.. apakah d tunjuk nya) haha jgn Mare bro ;)

THE TWINS

T(Y)AMAHA

Macam Menyesal... (Bahasa Melayu Brunei Entry)

2008-10-08T02:06:00.002+08:00

Macam menyesal, nda malar bejumpa my girlfriend, Bebeh, while she's in Brunei. Inda semena-mena, teringatkan kedia and jadi sedih, nda pasti penyakit apa yang telah menyerang minda ku masa ani. Oh well, she'll be fine anyway.

Today, I went out with my beau, jalan2 menyukat jalan d Brunei ani, (daerah Brunei Muara pulang saja). It's my day off, and hubby beau, ada cuti lagi until next Monday, apa lagi, buang Minyak lah, selagi minyak masih dapat d explore d Brunei ani jua hehehe.

Tak di sangka-sangka, teringatkan kawan ku sorang ani, well, I suka kat dia before, hehe, but we ended up jadi good friends lah. So I called him up, inda semena-mena (malar jua semena-mena ku ani haha), ia masa atu sounds busy, nda tau lah busy bahapa, all he said, he will call me up balik.

So I teruskan lah perjalan menyukat daerah Brunei, dari my place d rimba, ke berakas, then sg. Akar lapas atu masuk Subok, keluar d jalan Residency... sikit lagi sampai rumah, si kawan ani menelipun tah jua, baik jua hubby beau ani, bukan jenis penyemburu, senyap saja ia while driving, and I was on the phone with this friend of mine.

Mula-mula macam biasa lah, cerita2 betanya khabar, sekali... bertanya tia pasal somebody i know ani... macam hmmmmmph malas kan ngungkit cerita lama, I just tell him whatever I know then that's it. I sengaja memesongkan perbualan kami, pasal malas kan cerita2 hal daulu-daulu... And surprisingly, sampai sudah d rumah, aku masih lagi bergayut d telefon sama "kawan lama" ku ani.. sssaaammmpaaaiiii 12 tengah malam, baru ia! hahah Sama kekasih hati lagi nda pernah kan begayut batah2 ani (nya mama begayut ani selalunya CIKOK ganya ni.. apa CIKOK? Lu pikir lah sendiri hahaha)

Oh well, kepada kawan ku... bercinta atu pun macam driving, jangan lalai.. mun lalai abis lah, ikutlah peraturan jalan raya, mun ngalih menyiring tah dulu *grins*

Apa-apa pun..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

Daripada:

The Villiger and Beau nya.. heee

Lamb Chop?

2008-09-08T20:02:00.005+08:00

Lamb Chop Play Along~
Where kids come to play along~~

I was watching The Nanny, just now, where they invited Lamb Chop and Sheri Lewis as their guest stars. Ooooooooooo... I missed Lamb Chop, I used to wait for her before everytime I came back from school and I was ended up being scolded by mom, that I haven't change my uniform (I didn't even remove my hijab, hehehe)

Lamb Chop was even there before I was born, that was what Dad told me. And she is and will be always be 6 years old! *ahaks* so cute~ and she's like me.. ALWAYS CURIOUS! She always .. Why? Why is that? Why is it there..? Bla Bla blaa...

And so, now I'm spending my duty off, downloading some videos from YouTube :P ahaks..

We gonna miss Him

2008-09-02T05:40:00.004+08:00

We gonna miss him :( ...
He's always been our small baby boy for 12 years...

The Verses of Love

2008-08-25T19:36:00.002+08:00

I have just got back from Kuala Lumpur, for our Eid Mubarak shopping with mom. It was great and different... different! I have never travelled with mom alone, it was always mom and the siblings or hubby boo. As usual, 5the and Volksie has always been around, thank you guys :) love ya lots, mom had fun!

Yeah mom had fun! She has been having her sweet time, although it was only for 3 days, she's spending every minutes, to shop and eat and discover new stuffs and eat and shop and eat again hehe. And 5the!! You know what?? Mom bought the ayat-ayat cinta there at Mydin the day we have to rush there to buy the tarts! haha I told her to buy at our hometown saja, but you know as if she can't wait to have it and she bought it at that very morning.

Our flight we delayed for 2 hours and so we watched it on my laptop haha, nda penyabar jua banar. And I love it.. Mom loves it! The first comment from mom, "Macam kisah Nabi Yusof". Well, I can't believe that I shed tears, and mom was so relaxed (as usual!)

Once we're home, we played it again, and the whole family sit watching the tv and I just can't believe, that we ended up dozing off around 1am, and mom didn't say anything. Usually she always scold my sisters whenever they got into bed too late.

Anyhoo, ayat-ayat cinta (the verses of love) it is a nice, I told hubby to download it somewhere, and he watched it from youtube. I have no idea why I cried when I watched it, it's either I really so into the movie, or I miss my hubby :)

Although there are some issues arise from the movie, issues created by hubby boo (as always :P), but still I love ayat-ayat cinta, it is simple and yet meanigful one. And to hubby, I love wearing hijab whenever I travel only :P .. its the habuk and asap I can't stand, that's why I need my hijab, hehehe... with my thick eyeliner and all kekeke...

Anyhoo, The Verses of Love, the movie indeed is about the VERSES of love, taken from hadith and the Quran, talking about everything, anything about women and marriage, relationship!

Addicted to America's Next Top Model

2008-08-17T23:54:00.002+08:00

Oh yess.. I am addicted to it, I have 9 sets of dvd so far, cycle 1-9 .. and my favourite is .. Cycle 3 and 9. Love to see the girls with disabilities, on the show.. well... I'll tell some more about it later ;)

Vacation Soon?

2008-08-09T05:46:00.002+08:00

Vacation soon? Hopefully!!! I'll be having 8 days off end of this month, aaannndd.. I was thinking of having shopping spree *winks* .. Singapore and Kuala Lumpur? *wide grins* ...

I'm lonely~~

2008-07-22T19:49:00.002+08:00

I wonder when will it be, where I can sit back and relax like it was few months ago. Work have been hectic lately, having lots of promotion talks and all, workshop on things that Ive been attending nearly every year (mcm nada org kan d antar lagi).

Hubby boo has been away for about 2months now, work.. as usual, hopefully to see him this weekend, sometimes, it feels like those old days, where we were still young and dating *ahaks* .. missing him lots and lotsa.. *sigh*

Well, lets hope I can write more often.. had broccoli for dinner just now, thats how hectic can my life be, having meal once a day.. and my sister who supposed to live with me, while hubby boo's gone, she has always been out most of the time.. hang out with her gurls i supposed, ohhh I am lloooonneeellyy~~~

Healthy Life

2008-04-06T23:31:00.006+08:00

Its been 2 months since I started my fitness mayhem and I only lost 5kgs so far, hahahaha I wonder why :P

Been having the body jam and kick boxing class, and not forgetting my hiking day on weekends, and I have been avoiding "rice" and only been having bread and potatoes with lotsa veggies.

And still I didn't lose anything, but the amazing thing is, I can fit my old uniform, well I guess Ive been toning up my body maybe.

My life has been very active lately that I don't stay at home and being couch potato anymore like before, and hubby boo loves me doing all these fitness thingy, it makes me tired, and I always sleep early!!!! ahaks, and so Im not anymore an owl :P

My days, have been very "sweaty" lately that I always ended my day at the gym after work, having my kickboxing and imagining the punch bag is the hypocrits at my workplace haha, honestly, it is a stress reliever indeed!!!

Even its during weekend, both of us me and hubby boo will spend the afternoon hiking and ended up having our t-shirt soaking wet!!

Life has been very healthy lately, and I love it ;)

Happy 24th Birthday to My Beloved Nation!!

2008-02-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

The Lovey DoVey day

2008-02-14T23:30:00.003+08:00

Happy lovey dovey day to everyone .. particularly to the lovers out there ;)

I just had simple western dinner with hubby boo nothing special for today cos hubby boo doesn't celebrate it anyway. We went out for a while, just wondering how busy will the city be tonight, well, got to see some teens got their roses and all.. that was so sweet .. hehe

I got it all black!!!

2008-02-10T11:43:00.001+08:00

Been spending the whole night last night "painting" my desktop all black *ahaks* ... got new add-ons for my Mozilla and its black too..

Moving In

2008-02-07T12:59:00.000+08:00

Pretty confusing with my previous blog, I can't upload any pics anymore with it, I need to subscribe some more, aiyoo... Im being so stingy one already here hehehe

I'll post some more soon ;)